Kathy Decosmo

Anna Banana My Nana

2012-01-05T22:05:00.000-05:00

Grandma How I have loved thee

Weeks shy of “Ninety Three”

You gave life to my mother

And therefore me

Your Irish eyes

Blue as the skies

Your white hair

Your skin so fair

Fashionable well put together

Signature color purple heather

You spoke with a NYC twist

How you pronounced Beau Ti’ Full will be missed!

You lived through “The Depression”

Which made quite an impression

On your three and the rest of our family tree

Watching you gazing

Always appraising

Seeing the beauty

You made that your duty

Tea and Toast

You loved the most

Although you would never pass up a roast!

Your appetite was tremendous

Your giggle stupendous

Anticipating your glass of wine

Your face would shine

Always demanding a turkey sandwich

You made us twitch as we murmured what a bitch!

You made us laugh

As we worked for you time and a half!

We all loved you in our own ways

We all knew “one of these days”

You would depart

And break our hearts

We all cried

Jan 5^th 2011 when you died

You will live forever in our hearts

Daughter of Hannah

Owen’s Anna Banana

My Nana

Feb 24^th 1918 – Jan 5^th 2011

Dear Klout With My Deepest Regrets and "MY" Solid Social Media Following to Protect ...

2011-12-03T12:06:00.004-05:00

{EAV:a7136bbdc64cc4fc}

Dear Klout,

With My Deepest Regrets and "MY" Solid Social Media Following to Protect ...

I felt it extremely necessary to Close my Klout Account today.

I was ok with my score being adjusted for the sake of transparency when my Klout score took a 15 point dive when your company implemented the changes in October.

I looked forward to a more accurate social media tool. I continued to support Klout through the newly implemented way of accessing one's Klout, through usage, giving +K's along with allowing Klout to assign me a score that other people viewed as my Social Media Valuation.

The more I used my Social Media Accounts the "less value" I seemed to be attaining.

Mid November there was a week that I was not very active as I usually am.

My Klout score jumped 2 points

. Does this make sense for the sole “purpose” of Social Media which is
“To Engage”?

I have watched very closely all these weeks since "The changes" took place.

Today was the last straw for me. When I signed into Klout this morning I was greeted with my score taking another tumble. I would not mind the tumble if I felt like I truly earned the tumble. I am an avid Social Media User. I Tweet and Retweet quite regularly. I have observed that Retweeting affects my score negatively. I love to Retweet my friends and have made this a regular practice especially on #FF.

I know that the Klout score does not represent me accurately and therefore maintaining an account and further endorsing a company (with +K ing) that does not represent me and my brand transparently is not in the best interest of me or the people I have endorsed Klout to all this time.

Also…. since Klout’s plans include user’s scores being used in so many business and social settings/transactions I definitely do not want my Identity to be scored in the way it has been most recently.

I do not want my name to be represented with a score that I feel does not represent me for truly who I am on Social Media or in any other arena.

I wish your company the best and hope one day I can work with you again when and if your measurements truly align with who a user really is in Social Media..

In closing It took me some poking and asking around to find out how to completely close my account.

Thank you my Social Media friends for the link that enables one to close a Klout account.--> http://klout.com/corp/privacy

Warmest Regards,

Kathleen Decosmo

Celebrating 50th Anniversary West Side Story with The New York Philharmonic Orchestra and Conductor David Newman

2011-09-09T21:31:00.004-04:00

Last night my husband and I attended the 50th Anniversary Film Release of West Side with a special screening and live performance of the score at Avery Fisher Hall NYC http://bit.ly/NYPHL

http://www.playbill.com/news/article/154271-New-York-Philharmonic-Accompanies-West-Side-Story-Screenings-Sept-7-8

The NY Philharmonic Orchestra performed all the music keeping time with a live presentation of the original movie. Academy Award nominee David Newman was the conductor.

http://twitpic.com/6hyn46

Russ Tamblyn/ Riff and George Chakiris/ Bernardo were there and my husband looked like the cat that swallowed the canary! My husband played Riff in College and has played Piano for the show several times so this indeed was very special to him.

I also had the pleasure of sitting next to and chatting with a world famous Opera Conductor who studied under Leonard Bernstein http://www.leonardbernstein.com/ He was kind enough to recant the history of West Side Story as well as vividly describing its Premeire that he attended Oct 1961 http://nyti.ms/WestSideSTRY

The New York Philharmonic Orchestra holds a special place in mine and my husband's heart. http://nyphil.org/about/

Our friend Jerome A. Ashby was the Philharmonic's Associate Principal Horn and Principal Wagner Tuba. Jerome had joined the Orchestra in 1979; his last performance with the Philharmonic was on December 1, 2007.
http://nyphil.org/about/jeromeAshby.cfm

We will forever remember the kindness and love that was expressed from The New York Philharmonic while Jerome was battling cancer.

It was a remarkable evening with talent that exceeds any words I can write.

Congratulations to The New York Philharmonic Orchestra and Conductor David Newman!

Miss Abigail’s guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage Review

2011-05-29T11:45:00.003-04:00

http://twitpic.com/53qw5a

We were standing in line at Starbuck’s picking up my iced Café Mocha Grande discussing our afternoon plans of getting to see one of our childhood favorites on an off-Broadway stage.

My husband and I both growing up in the 70’s had our favorites. I had already dragged him to a Donny Osmond Concert and he did not complain when we seen Marie Osmond on one of my other adventures.

We invited our best friends to accompany us to Miss Abigail’s guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage. James and Sharon are married 3 years less than my husband and I so we pretty much don’t need the guide but wanted to enjoy the advice anyway.

I pleaded with my husband to not point me out or thrust me on stage like he has in the past. I had the spotlight on me with a Kenny Rogers impersonator in Myrtle Beach and have not lived that down yet!

Last September I designed a Rose of Distinction for the Cake Boss and delivered it to one of his performances. We took James and Sharon with us and James ended up on Stage with Buddy designing cupcakes!

http://bit.ly/CKBossRofD

Needless to say James and I decided we did not want to end up on stage and asked our spouses not to point us out or wave us on the stage.

We just must have those types of faces. I ended up on stage dancing with Paco and James was invited by Miss Abigail (Eve Plumb) to accompany her on stage to read for her!

Here is the thing, my husband always asks me to stop leading when we dance and I have no control over leading so subsequently my dance with Paco was anything but smooth. It looked like a great start when we shook our hips together but it ended there. I might have hit him in the head on a few turns and the audience was laughing as I looked like I was wrestling him a few times.

Our friend James is a good dancer but a public reading is frightening for him! The three of us clenched the seats when he strode up and took the book in his knuckle white, clammy hands. James came through for Miss Abigail and became the butt of Paco’s stern glances the rest of the show.

The play is a "play on words", laugh out loud when you least suspect and both Miss Abigail and Paco did an amazing job together!

Today is the last appearance for Eve Plumb as Miss Abigail so if you have a chance I encourage you not to miss enjoying Eve Plumb as Miss Abigail an accomplished actress and artist.
Purchase Tickets http://www.missabigailsguide.com/tickets.html

Check out Eve Plumb’s Art http://eveplumb.tv/

Mauricio Perez ( Paco ) http://www.mperez.net/Mauricio_Perez/Welcome/Welcome.html

Five Years Ago Today

2011-05-22T10:28:00.000-04:00

It is about a 45 minute car ride from my home to Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital without traffic. The appointment was for 9:00 AM and I knew everyone was waiting on my arrival. I contemplated not making the appointment then perhaps it would all go away and the situation would just fix itself if enough time passed. Perhaps they were all wrong and this was a premature decision.

I could not even believe that I was called upon to be part of this decision and requested to attend!

Driving that morning the years flipped like pages, images from the very beginning played in my head. I tried to recall any birthday we celebrated together and remembered only one when I received the only birthday gift I could ever recall. I pressed my memory hard searching for anything positive I could grab hold of. The bad memories were trying to surface and as I have done for so many years I suppressed them. I was a master of suppression. It was in the survival packet that I called upon frequently in order to maintain my life in a good place.

I hit traffic and massive construction and I thought perhaps this delay was fate. I prayed for strength for myself to be able to minister in the hours ahead of me.

I was a few minutes late as I walked into the room. All eyes were on me, eyes filled with tears ready to brim over. I greeted each person with my eyes avoiding the vision I did not want to see, the reason why I was there early that Monday Morning.

I heard muffled sobs coming from the corner of the room. My older sister by 16 months was falling apart before my very eyes. She was the reason I told myself why I showed up there that day. My sister is not much older than me and I have always felt the need to take care of her. She asked me to be with her through all of this and made me promise I would beside her. I grabbed her, held her and felt her body convulse in involuntary jerky motions. I knew this was going to be extremely difficult for her today since it was her son’s 17th birthday, my only godson and nephew. This was not where we ever thought we would be on his 17^th birthday. My sister had big birthday plans for him and wanted to be with him for his driving test scheduled for that morning.

I asked myself why it had to happen this way and on this particular day in time.

The nurse came in and asked us if we were ready. Ready I wanted to scream, who is EVER ready for this! We asked for a few more minutes.

My sister clung to me as we watched the others quietly approach the hospital bed whispering their Good Byes. Person after person wiping their tear stained eyes upon exiting the room.

All had exited the room leaving my sister and me among a few other family members. Now it was our turn to say our Good Byes. I let go of my sister’s hand and motioned for her to go up by herself. She grabbed hold of my hand and jerked me to my feet to accompany her. My sister stroked and kissed his face sobbing his name, a name that had not passed my lips like it was passing through hers. Daddy, Daddy she sobbed and sobbed. She pulled me close to her this time taking charge of me. Her eyes directed me to say my own Good Byes.

What happened next was involuntary. I leaned over my father and whispered to him. I touched his face, kissed his forehead and whispered I love you Daddy.

The nurse came in asked us to step out so she could undo all the life support equipment.

We were allowed back in the room to be with him as he took his last breaths. My sister and the rest took turns approaching the bed speaking in low tones. I kept eye on the heart and BP monitors winding down like a clock going out of commission.

One last time I went to my father’s side. I recited some prayers, Bible Verses, the 23^rd Psalm in his right ear. I told him I would see him when I see him. I prayed with him for salvation and eternal life.

I do not know what took place those last few moments only God knows and one day I will know. I kissed him Good Bye for now.

He breathed on his own for almost an hour and a half. It was painful to watch someone struggling with each breath.

After he was pronounced dead, one by one people came in and said so many things to him. People that I had never met or vaguely knew. People that knew my biological father obvious to me in ways I never knew him in. I filed that to deal with at another time.

I focused my attention on my sister. I stayed with her for quite awhile and helped her make some Birthday plans for her 17 year old son.

I was driving up the NJ Turnpike in the hustle and bustle of North Jersey traffic, business as usual numb, dazed and probably in shock. I looked around and all I could see was life going on as usual.

I wanted to scream so loud “ I just watched my father Die” can the world just take a pause for a second! I realized that I most likely was not the only one driving that day that had just experienced a tragedy. I thought to myself how many do we meet every day that have a smile on their face all the while dealing with a broken heart quietly.

To be contd…

May 21st 2011, My Response to Harold Camping

2011-05-21T13:19:00.003-04:00

Growing up in the 1960’s there were clear defined lines in our American culture. One of the defined lines was the neighborhood and Parish you lived within.

I was raised in an Irish, Catholic, Democrat home and neighborhood. I was unaware of anything outside of my very small world which consisted of my Parish and my neighborhood.

What do I mean by Parish? A portion of a diocese under the authority of a priest legitimately appointed to secure the helps of religion for the faithful dwelling therein. › Catholic Encyclopedia My hometown had many Parishes and those Parishes were also defined by particular ethnic group/groups.

I grew up in the same Parish my Father’s Family grew up in when they settled in my hometown from Ireland. My little brother even had the same Kindergarten Nun that my Father when he attended Kindergarten just to give you an idea of how deep this Parish mindset was.

I was Catholic; I breathed, ate and slept my Catholicism. I had many questions that nobody would or could answer. I was taught that if a Catholic even visited a Protestant Church it was a very bad sin.

Meanwhile my little brother had questions of his own and decided to study Greek, Latin and Spanish. He studied Greek and Latin so he could further study the scriptures and Spanish to communicate to the friends he made along the way not in our “Parish”. My little brother quietly discussed his findings with me and continually rocked my Catholic world with his discoveries.

I continued to carry on trying to be the best Catholic I could be. I had major screw ups along the way and was quite the “regular” at Saturday Confession. My brother, sister and I would walk to confession on Saturday afternoons discussing all the “bad things” we needed to confess and sometimes chanting curse words just to get them out of our system before we said our confession and did our penance. We wanted to make sure that we had all our venial and mortal sins tallied up correctly and the cursing was just to make sure we relieved any badness that still might be present since cursing was not really part of our regular vocabulary.

Fear of dying while not in a “State of Grace” (see Paragraph 1862 CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH SECOND EDITION http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm#1862 ) was a recurring nightmare of mine, The End of the World “Doomsday” that always played out of me running from one locked church door to another to give my last confession to attain my “State of Grace” so I would be guaranteed a place in heaven .

My ongoing question to myself was would I ever be in a ”State of Grace” longer than the time it took me to say my Penance and walk home . Maybe I should just really guarantee my entrance into heaven by becoming a nun and really shore up my eternal home. Surely the nuns were always in a “State of Grace”. That was the answer for my recurring Doomsday Nightmare. I would become a nun and always be a stone’s throw away from the confessional.

My last 30 years have been a journey of discovery and a long way from the little girl who was looking for an Eternal guarantee by becoming a nun.

I have not had the Doomsday nightmare since I became a Christian almost 30 years ago. I no longer fear that I need to run to a confessional to guarantee my place in heaven. I simply get on my knees and confess to my Savior. This is freeing for me and many others that have come from a similar background and have discovered the freedom this presents. With this freedom comes very serious responsibility to show Christ through our words, actions and our general way of life...

I am free to ask for forgiveness and be forgiven. I am not free to do as I please and act recklessly then just say a quick I am sorry. I have studied the Bible and believe The Holy Bible is the Inspired and Infallible Word of God.

Since the Bible is my anchor and my roadmap to life then what Harold Camping is quoted as saying is quite upsetting to me as a practicing Christian.

I am deeply troubled that Christians as a whole are being depicted as they are because of Harold Camping and the noise he is making again.

Yesterday I was commuting to NYC to join my husband for a Met/Yankee Subway Series Game. I sat on the bus looking around at all the different people immersed in their little iPod, blackberry and iphone worlds seemingly quite unaffected that this could be their last full day on earth. I likened it to myself as a child and had been immersed in my Irish, Catholic, Democrat Parish years ago unaware of other’s worlds. I felt sad to myself and asked myself have I done all I can to show Christ’s love to all I have encountered. Have I been living as “if” this could be my last day on earth?

I walked to the 7 train under Port Authority and heard a thunderous Man’s Voice booming, echoing through the underground tunnel. No it was not God but a man screaming Bible verses condemning people and shaming them to turn away from their sinful ways quite aggressively with a huge Bible opened. I was disgusted that this man did not realize that he was turning off so many passerbies to maybe their only encounter with “a Christian”. I heard the whispers and utterances of the throngs of people muttering “crazy Christian, lunatic Christian, cult like” etc. Many I was rubbing shoulders with seeming to group all Christians in one crazy group. This was the result of one chance encounter.

I have seen the news and the images of the buses, the people who have given up their jobs, sold their possessions to hand out tracks and make sure they spread the word of the end of the world. My heart goes out to them. They are earnest in their endeavor and for that they have my respect.

I do not agree with Harold Camping and his follower’s interpretation of the Bible nor their approach.

I feel being lukewarm and apathetic is also detrimental hence why I am writing this post.

My faith and walk with Christ is based on my belief that the Bible is the Inspired and Infallible Word of God. Therefore if what Harold Camping has said came to pass today then my world would have been blown this day spiritually and physically.

I am thrilled to have the opportunity to even write this post today. I understand that many will continue to group all Christians together as deranged lunatics. I pray that this Christian can give some insight to a “Christian”.

I hope that more Christians will come forward and allow people to see them for their Christ like love and character rather than be depicted and sentenced to being negatively labeled and unapproachable.

Please allow me to share some thoughts from a website I came upon just today that has an overview that includes some Bible verses that I have come to learn in my Christian walk.

Like a thief in the night. http://www.lastdaysmystery.info/like_a_thief_in_the_night.htm

Jesus first expressed this idea that He would return “like a thief in the night” in the Olivet Discourse. Four of His disciples came to Him on the Mount of Olives and asked, “what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?" (Matthew 24:3). During His response Jesus described the signs that will take place before His return, providing a way for us to determine the general time of His return.

Repeatedly, Jesus told of the increasing deception that will come in the Last Days. He commanded us to watch and stay alert so we would not be deceived and get caught off guard.

Today many people are confused and deceived regarding the meaning of the expression “like a thief in the night.” They mistakenly believe that Jesus will come “like a thief in the night” to the Church. Meaning that the Church will not know the general time of Christ’s return. However, this is totally incorrect. Both Jesus and the apostle Paul clearly tell us that the Church will know the general time of Christ’s return. Jesus said,

Matthew 24:42-44 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+24%3A42-44&version=NIV

Luke 12:39-40 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+12%3A39%2CLuke+12%3A40&version=NIV

1 Thessalonians 5:1-5 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Thessalonians+5%3A1-5&version=NIV

Revelation 3:3 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Revelation+3%3A3&version=NIV

Revelation 16:15 http://bible.cc/revelation/16-15.htm

Believers will be aware of the general time of Christ’s return but unbelievers will be caught off guard when Jesus Christ returns to earth “like a thief in the night.” Therefore, don’t let anyone deceive you in any way, many signs will occur before Jesus Christ returns to gather up His Church.

If the coming of the Lord catches you by surprise, you will be treated as an unbeliever.

Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour (Matthew 25:13) http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+25%3A13&version=NIV

In Answer to: Do You Think You’re A Good Parent?? How Do You Know?

2011-05-16T16:04:00.000-04:00

I am a mommy of 3, ages 26, 24, 20. There were and still are days that I ask myself “Do I think I am a good Parent and how do I know”? These days my husband and I are reaping more fruit and seeing so much more come into fruition.

I started my Mommy career warning my oldest infant child and only daughter that I hoped she would survive because the plants sure did not! She peered up at me from her receiving blanket with a knowing, trusting smile that later would reveal she trusted me even if I am a plant killer. It is all about priorities I would later explain to her and my other 2 children as we trashed the unlucky plants month after month.

Parenthood is full of choices and priorities. What most do not understand is that your priorities must never become your choices. Let your choices be chosen based on the priorities you set. What do I mean with this choice/priority talk?

While raising our children we always stressed to each of them that our number one priority for them was to lead them to be autonomous adults. So based on that statement we proceeded with basing all decisions on that goal.

So our priority was established and the choices begun which were: what kind of education, what kind of food would I feed them, should they watch TV and how frequently, what kind of discipline would we apply etc. etc. you get the drift?

The choices we made based on our number one priority could make a smash hit sitcom. Our children love to sit around together and describe the insane woman that homeschooled them feeding them herbs and organic fruits and vegetables with a highlighted in Yellow TV schedule stuck on the Fridge and their little brother in time out for the 100^th time in a day. The laundry piled as high as the snow, chemistry projects were fizzling, art supplies were strewn as far as the eye could see and a mini cooking show was being produced by the amateur videographer standing about 3 foot tall.

They also love to rehash how the three of them wrote and produced mini plays every week for the children they minded at the Women’s Bible study. I say minded loosely since they themselves were 3, 7 and 9 years old and very in charge arriving each week with their overstuffed suitcases of costumes and props. The ladies took up a collection each week to reward the 3 of them for their time. This is the part when you know you have done something right, here it comes…....

The 3 of them used their earnings to send an underprivileged kid to summer camp. I still get choked up when I think of their shining bright eyes and smiles as they handed in their earnings. They will also recant how strict we were in things other parents weren’t and vice versa. We later explained that we tried not to set them up to fail because there were certain things not even the so called “best behaved children” could resist such as not having a party if your parents left you alone for an extended period of time without accountability, Not Leaving the house stocked with liquor in an unlocked liquor cabinet, oh just not leaving them unattended period even if they were 16.

Parenthood is still full of choices and priorities even with them being older.

My priority as a mother of young adults is now to step aside and let them be adults with minimal input unless asked.

Failure is the tuition they need to pay for the success they will achieve.

These days my husband and I still make ourselves available to help advise, guide and just be the ear to listen.

I am happy to report that we have managed to achieve the number one goal of raising autonomous children/adults.

Our daughter is a model/actress. She is getting married this year and we are pleased with her fiancé who makes her very happy. Our Second child, oldest son graduated College, landed a great job and is contemplating his MBA from Columbia. Our Youngest son is still attending College, builds computers, fixes computers and is presently writing an Iphone application. All of them are very supportive of me and my business and help in any way they can.

Back to the initial question. “Do I think I am a good Parent and how do I know”?

Yes I think I am a good parent. Have I made mistakes? Absolutely but keeping my eye on the priority and not allowing the plethora of choices become the prioritiy has determined where we all are today and that is a family with great stories of insane parents.

Always a Mommy

2010-12-22T22:22:00.000-05:00

What a comedic moment I had in a Starbuck’s line on my excursion to NYC today. While my husband was busy ordering me my usual Grande Café Mocha I slipped away to the ladies room only to find a woman stationed right in front of the Ladies room door pensively waiting her turn. I smiled at her and commented that this must be “the line” and I could tell by the look in her eyes. Her response to me was meant to perhaps shock me but after all I am a mom of a couple of boys Oh... I mean men so not much knocks me over. She responded with yes, this is the line but you really do not want to be the next one after me especially after the explosion that will take place. I know she was expecting me to be horrified and run for cover. I grinned from ear to ear and fished out a pack of matches that I just picked up at Carmine’s, my favorite Italian Restaurant on the Upper West Side.

I told her it was a gift for her to use after her bathroom event and a gift for me so that I may be able to use the facilities without noticing she was ever there. She stood wide eyed and speechless as I gave her my Blessing to christen the throne we both had to share. I smirked my way back to where my husband was standing and unbeknownst to me he had witnessed the exchange and wanted me NOT to recant the story to him.

I decided to make my way across the coffee shop to share my little story with my oldest son who was eagerly waiting to leave for his second interview appointment. I was all set to share my comedy with him when all at once I caught a glimpse of him. I instantly became overcome with how grown up he was in his perfectly fitted suit, grown up shoes and overcoat engrossed in his notes housed in his leather portfolio.

All the years that led to this moment in time flooded my memory and I became in awe of the grown up poised on the Starbuck’s stool. I choked back tears as I looked into his smiling crystal blue eyes. Those eyes spoke so much to me over the years and today they held so much hope and promise.

I longed for and could almost feel the baby boy I brought home from the hospital 23 years ago. I asked myself where the time went. How did it pass so quickly and oh how I wish I could go back in time and cuddle my baby boy just for a few more minutes.

I came back to reality to share my bathroom story all the while squelching back tears that kept rising with each memory I suppressed while smiling and cheering him on for his "Second Interview".

The time came to bid him good luck as we walked out of Starbucks onto 75^th St. He put his arm around me. I gave him a big hug and watched him walk down the street. I noted that a confident man was casting a shadow on 75^th St. ready to make his mark not as my baby boy but as the man he has grown up to be.

All the while my husband was watching this all play out and reading my thoughts. He grabbed my hand as we walked in the opposite direction. Gentle tears rolled down my cheeks. We did not have to speak words because we shared the same thoughts, emotions and the little boy forever etched in our hearts.

Sept 11th, 2011

2010-12-06T19:13:00.002-05:00

Sept 11th, 2011 is the 10th anniversary of the most tragic day in our nation’s history. It is a day that can be marked as a life changing day in so many ways.

Those life changes include some of the following: the death/s of loved ones, injuries that have had life changing effects on individuals/families, loss of business/s, higher usage of anxiety/PTSD drugs, security measures drastically changed for modes of transportation, laws changed regarding privacy, NYC landscape changed forever just to name a few.

Every US citizen regardless of where we reside has been impacted by that fateful day and its tentacles reach far beyond our borders and into our everyday lives.

Our American way of life has changed to include family evacuation plans as well as towns, city and stated hence Homeland Security.

We are constantly aware of what color our threat level is set at before we consider traveling within our region or abroad. We tell ourselves that we will not let the terrorists win and we will continue on with our lives as normal.

Normal’s definition pre 09/11/01 is completely different than what is considered normal today.

I have had to frequently fly these past few months. I have to allow extra time for the security and if I should be detained for reasons out of my control I now purchase travel insurance.

We struggle through security emptying our briefcases, handbags, taking off our shoes and belts. We would feel guilty complaining about the inconvenience of all these procedures put in place to help protect the security of our country and our lives.

When we visit museums, monuments and landmarks we go thru the same procedures to ensure the safety of ourselves and others.

Truth be told the terrorists have accomplished reminding us of their ever looming presence in the shadows merely by having all these security practices carried out every day in our lives.

We are Americans and Americans always rise to the challenges set before us. We have a new defined normal and we have woven it in our hearts and our actions.

We carry the memory of the suffering of our family, friends, neighbors and just plain Americans in our minds and our hearts post 09/11/01.

Just about 9 months from now we will gather as a nation and honor all of the 911 victims and heroes. We will painfully remember the lost, injured and sick as a result of the attack and the after effects.

There is a 911 Memorial Museum being built to honor the lost and YOU can contribute by visiting the Memorial Website http://bit.ly/911MEMDnte Sponsor a cobblestone that will be placed on the Memorial Plaza and receive a cobblestone membership card with your identifying cobblestone number. You will also be acknowledged on their website and in the World Trade Center Memorial kiosk.

View my 9 Months & 11 Days Post http://rosesofdistinction.wordpress.com/

Posted from on the road in Las Vegas Nevada today.

Extra Shorty Contest, Special Edition: "10"

2010-10-15T18:27:00.001-04:00

Extra Shorty Contest, Special Edition: "10"

Extra Shorty Contest, Special Edition: “10″

Penned by Chick Lit Shorties

Mirror mirror, on the wall, who’s the – um, “Ten”ist – one of all? The judges are huddling to crown all the Ten lucky winners…Wanna a teaser?

Yup, thought so! Okay, you talked us into it. Our first winners in the Winner’s Decagon (ya know, a circle, just with – can you guess? – ten sides!)

Earn some good karma, stop by our Facebook page and congratulate our winners! We know they’ll really appreciate it. C’mon, you know you would, too. Plus who knows, you might be next!

2010-08-14T09:20:00.003-04:00

Artist Twitter List

   Kathleen DeCosmo
   is
   on the Twibes Artist Twitter List.

"Sitting" with Peter Damian Bellis Author of "The Conjure Man"

2010-06-01T10:53:00.014-04:00

http://www.conjureman.net/Buy.html

“Too many writers do not sit long enough with their books and so miss the opportunity to capture the echoes, anchor the emotional impact, make their book what they see in their mind and feel in their soul, but rarely capture on the page. Then again how easy for me to say sit with your book a little while longer; I sat with The Conjure Man for 23 years, and for a variety of reasons, not just because I was sitting with the book (more about that in a later post). But even when I was not sitting with The Conjure Man, I was sitting with it. “
Peter Damian Bellis http://threecentsoflimeandiron.com/

“ Sitting” has dominated my thoughts for over a week since I first read my friend Peter’s post.

“Sitting” is the perfect description of what I do as a designer and what I have yet been capable of conveying to my non artistic friends, family etc.

I “sat” with my roses for a few years encouraged by my friend Shea not to give up and to keep on keeping on. Hence the name KatieSheaDesigns since without Shea’s encouragement I would not have kept designing.

My very first Rose Design was inspired from a beautiful image of a baby named Amelia Marie.
My first “Rose of Distinction” http://bit.ly/weliot
was inspired by my friendship with
Winslow Eliot http://winsloweliot.com/
Author of “Heaven Falls” and “The Bright Face of Danger”.

Last weekend we had a Tweet-up In New York http://winsloweliot.com/2010/05/tweet-up-in-new-york/
and I experienced some very interesting and stimulating conversation with all of my friends attending.

My conversation With Peter Damian Bellis last Saturday evening clarified and validated all I have been feeling for the past few years. He explained to me the sitting process he mentioned in his post last week. I totally identified with his description of a writer is always writing even when he is not typing or physically writing as well as the importance of “sitting” with a piece until you feel it has been nurtured to your satisfaction and even then…

While Peter was speaking so many thoughts were racing through my mind. The countless ideas in my idea book I started years ago, the writing pieces sitting on my computer finished, unfinished and the bolts of fabric adorning my office/studio.

To the naked eye I can come across as a scatterbrain, eccentric and unproductive versus the overachieving steam roller from years gone by.

I am currently reviewing everything I have been “sitting with” and am choosing which designs to produce and pieces to post or publish. I feel such a sense of peace and validation from finally being able to feel like I can express correctly what others perceive as a lack of productivity.

I have been asked over and over “When are you going to get serious and start pumping out those roses”? I have tried to communicate that I have not felt it was time yet for me to enter into the marketplace with my roses. My answer is “I am sitting with them”!

I am currently designing several “Roses of Distinction” and Peter Damian Bellis’s Novel “The Conjure Man“
http://www.conjureman.net/ is one of my inspired designs.

I have begun reading “The Conjure Man“ and can understand why I quote “One early reviewer said this book might be the best book to come out since Huck Finn“!

Brooklyn ....Memorial Day Weekend Surrounded by Family, Friends, Food and Wine!

2010-05-31T20:04:00.001-04:00

The conversations were heartwarming, diversified and comedic. My husband even had one of the guests prank phone call our daughter asking her just one more time “Is it All about Trendz” a jewelry store in Manhattan that we all could not get straight in our heads. Maybe it was the sun or the wine or just both. We laughed so hard we could not breathe as our daughter called us all jerks and hung up for the third time!

My husband’s family have their roots in Brooklyn so many of the guests were from “The Neighborhood” and there was a lot of reminiscing.

Our cousin Big Art joined in and the conversations ranged from how his hearing became impaired by the gunshots that were fired by his ears during his career as a NYC Transit cop to the POW bracelet he wears on his wrist.

We all examined the copper looking piece and discussed the names and inscriptions. Big Art can appear to be rough and tumble but is in fact a kind and deeply caring man. The bracelet has been worn by him since the late 60’s. The POW represented on the bracelet was dated as missing since 1965. My husband, myself and a few others recalled our grammar school years during the Vietnam War there were many bracelets worn with names inscribed representing men serving and missing in Vietnam. Upon further inspection we became aware of another name inscribed more recently. Big Art explained it was one of “His” that perished 9/11. We all fell silent out of respect for the fallen. My heart was silently breaking for him. Big Art is immersed in taking care of “His own” meaning the families of the 9/11 fallen. He is extremely proactive in preserving the memories of the men and honoring them.

Big Art, although retired for many years was one of the first responders arriving at the BIG Hole and piles of rubble hoping to rescue any survivors.

All of us briefly flashed back at the mention of the fallen man represented on Big Art’s bracelet to that day of horrifying tragedy, loss and uncertainty.

My mind flooded with the images of the second plane hitting the second tower and then both towers imploding shortly thereafter!

My husband and I had the longest phone call that day since he was blessed with one of the only working telephone lines. He was awaiting his assignment from the Hospital he works for. There were thousands of body bags arriving throughout the city hospitals and all were bracing for a rising death toll and injuries galore. He was mandated to stay and work for however long it took to take care of the injured. Phone service in NYC was at a minimum if any, so I was the conduit from the hospital staff to family members informing them of their loved ones safety. We kept the line open for hours as I dialed on my cell phone and even put the cell phone to the receiver so people could connect and be comforted by the sound of the live voices.

Hours went by and finally my husband said we had to free the line. I was deeply troubled since I did not know if this was going to be the last time I would ever hear his voice. I became immobilized and kept repeating myself in an effort to keep him on the line. Hanging up with him was like letting go of a drowning man. I told myself I had to keep it together since we have 3 children and if I looked worried they would be worried. I left them in school while all this was going on because I needed to collect myself to present to them a calm, confident mother.

Our drive home from Brooklyn brought us right past the World Trade Center site.

I usually do everything I can to avoid that whole area and today of all days we HAD to pass by because of Holland Tunnel traffic. This time I forced myself to face the Big Hole and the beginnings of rebuilding.

Our friends James and Shea were snoozing in the back of the Van unaware that they were in the presence of a sacred ground. All of my senses became heightened and I became acutely aware of utterances, murmurings and physical pain just being in close proximity to this tragic parcel of land.

I feel sad and guilty at the same time. Sad for all the loss that is still being felt throughout our surrounding area and guilty because I was not in the midst of the first responders.

I want to do something of significance in remembrance of all those that were lost in the 9/11 attacks.

This Memorial Day let us remember the Men, Women and Children that have FALLEN on our own Soil.

Grannie Annie Episode 1 million

2010-04-10T08:11:00.002-04:00

The other day I received yet another demanding phone call from Grannie Annie, the matriarch of the family. Grannie Annie is my grandmother and as I have mentioned in previous posts a tough, strong, demanding survivor. Gazing upon this 92 year old you would be in awe of her beauty and how she is so smartly dressed even at her age. My grandmother is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. More cunning and manipulating than you could ever give one credit for.

My Aunt and I have made countless trips to the Emergency room the last four months with Grannie Annie crying wolf. The last time my husband and I received a phone call at 11:30 pm From Grannie Annie telling me she was dying and I needed to get over there so she wouldn’t die alone.

So my husband and I threw ourselves together and off we went. I knew this was either the real deal or a setup as I put the keys in the door only to NOT find the regular barricading of her front door in place. We always ask her NOT to do this because it just complicates getting into her home when we get calls like this.

We find Grannie Annie in bed lying very still. My husband a real softie when it comes to Grannie Annie rushes to her bedside. I, on the other hand have the job of interrogating this incorrigible drama queen again. Grannie Annie captures my husband’s emotions upon impact and I see now I will have to do battle with both of them to sort out the reality.

My questions seem cold and to the point. I seem clinical in my approach as I have my husband sit her up for me to take her blood pressure and heart rate. I examined her mouth, tongue and elasticity of her skin. I watched her heart rate and observed her respiration. All while she was recounting to my husband how she arrived in this condition from only a few hours before. My grandmother had expressed all year that she wanted to die since my other Aunt had passed away earlier in the 2009. My grandmother took a physical and mental dive after the death of her youngest daughter.

My observations brought me to the conclusion that she was in respiratory failure and dehydrated. This was maybe the fourth time I have observed Grannie Annie in this physical state these past several months.

I felt it appropriate to tell Grannie Annie my findings and see how she wanted to proceed especially since she said she wanted to die. My husband was furious that I concurred that she was indeed dying and was letting her know the facts.

What my husband had failed to realize was that because I have dealt with prior emergencies with my grandmother, I have already reconciled her death. I expect to one day walk in her home to find her passed on. Roll back several years and Grannie Annie had lived in our home recuperating from a triple by-pass heart surgery. Every day I would wait for the children to be off to school before I checked on her. I did not want to find a dead grandmother with my children home.

So pretty much I have been in boot camp for this situation.

I also felt the need to call my Aunt and Uncle and let them know the very serious side of this scenario. They needed to take control of this situation being the elders.

As my husband coddled and held my grandmother’s hand I walked around the house only to find all the medicine she has stashed that she decided NOT to take. I brought it all to her and showed her. She coldly stared at me and told me NOT to tell my aunt. I refused to agree with her request. I told her that she was sabotaging her health and she was probably in this situation because of it.

Well to shorten the story my Aunt and Uncle arrived and it was decided not to grant her desire to die in her bed that night. She was transported to the hospital. It was validated that her oxygen level was in the critical zone and she was dehydrated. She would have indeed died without intervention.

Well Grannie Annie refuses to give her consent to go in a nursing home and I refuse to respond to her demanding phone calls. I know for her own protection she needs to be taken care of. My Aunt continues to honor Grannie Annie’s wishes and I have decided on the next hospital run I will call in intervention to help my Aunt truly see what the right thing to do is.

Since Grannie Annie told me that night that she could not eat,

I told my grandmother she better not demand a turkey sandwich when we arrive at the hospital as she has had the past three times.

Inside of an hour she sent my husband and Uncle to a diner for her turkey sandwich!

I love my grandmother and recognize that she has an innate drive to truly live.

The hardest decision loved ones have to make is to help a loved one see that 24 hours assistance is what is needed to sustain a life that is so compromised.

Mom I am a Man! Ya Know....

2010-03-14T09:15:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was one of the longest days of my life as a mom. I have had numerous other days that my chosen fulltime occupation has impeded my thoughts and my ability to function to my fullest capacity and yesterday truly was one of them.

I awoke around 4:45 in the morning to my oldest son looming near my bedside, tentatively deciding IF he should kiss me goodbye or slither out the front door without having to listen to my adult perception of what he should Not be doing in addition to starting my concern clock this early.

Roll back to our conversation the previous evening. It went something like this: Mom can you help me rearrange the cars so my car is in last? I look at him a little surprised he is inferring that he needs to get up early on a Saturday especially after the hell week he had at College this week. I look at him puzzled and ask why is he getting up early on Saturday and if he realized that we would be receiving a huge storm that will have winds up until 70 MPH and 2-3 inches of rain.   His response irritated me because I think its cruel to mess with my mind this late on a Friday night. My son informs me he is driving to Pennsylvania with his College Paintball team. I responded with "I know You are Kidding" its not nice to get me upset just to bust me. He then informs me he is in fact competing in the "Battle of Stalingrad" a scenario competition that he was 2nd in command of last year and is Team Captain and one of the facilitators of all things on the East Coast Paintball Community. He must be present.

Now as a mother I cannot wrap my head around anything being as important as my child NOT putting himself in harm's way.   While reading this you might by now say ...what is she kidding her son plays paintball thats a harms way situation right there. Well my answer is ..I put him out of my head the minute he drives away until he returns.   It is the only way I can get thru his competitions.

I have participated in competitive sports and did my best to never let my team down but in my mother colored glasses all I could see was my son driving from NJ to Pennsylvania with wind whipping his car all over I80 with rain drowning his windshield. I tried to reason with him Friday night and came to a stalemate. My last words were if the weather is as bad as they say Saturday morning you would be irresponsible as the captain to allow your team to travel to compete. He smiled at me and told me we would talk in the morning. My stomach sank because I know my son and that was him appeasing me.

So when I awoke to GI Joe Son kissing me so long I made my last stab at trying to make sense of why he needed not to lead his team into possible harm's way on the highway.

My son is a steam roller and nothing gets in his way when he wants something or when he is responsible to complete anything he is tasked with.   I am told that the reason WHY my son and I get into conflicts is because he is just like ME.

Well as I begin to lay out my case he stops me cold with: Mom!! I am a Man ya know!!! I told you I will make my own decisions because I know my abilities and limitations. I also do not fear death because I know where I am going when I die.  It a win win situation for me either way mom and I love you. You do not need to worry at all I am told by my oldest son.

What could I say to refute anything he said to me.  We did raise him to be independent, to appraise decisions based on his strengths and his weaknesses. We also instilled in him not to be fearful because fear holds you back from living and God did not give us the spirit of fear. Checkmate ...I kissed him and wished him well.

I stayed in bed which is unusual for me since I regularly rise early to begin my reading and writing. I prayed for my son during the time he was traveling and trusted that he would arrive at his destination safely. I felt the wind whipping against the brick of my house and heard the rain pelleting my windows. I felt suspended in time for the 2 hours he was traveling on the highway.

The phone rang and my heart stopped. My heart resumed beating when I heard his happy carefree voice on the other end declaring his safe, victorious arrival. His teammates all the while shouting hellos to me in the background. I thanked God for yet another blessing of a safe arrival.

When I got up to face the day I became aware that my property was a mess with objects strewn all over. I had to Not think of my son competing in this weather and the possibilities of trees breaking, tree limbs flying etc.

The weather during the course of the day was getting worse. My husband told me to text my son's phone and inform him that his father would be putting him and his team up in a hotel so do not leave Pennsylvania until he speaks with his father. I know my husband thru all of this was doing his best to allow my son to be the man that he raised him to be and not interfere.   My husband did not consider this hotel offer an interference.

My son called and thanked us for the offer but he and his team decided to drive home.

Based on the morning conversation and my son's convictions I had to trust that he was making the correct decision.

The weather was really hitting hard and the house was shaking. Our neighbor's new gutters ripped off of his house and his large barbecue flew thru the air. My husband and younger son went outside to help the neighbor rescue the flying objects.   I prayed more for my son and his teammates.

My husband kept looking at the clock and reaching for his cell phone. I kept talking him out of calling our son. I told my husband it would be a distraction from the road if our son answered his call and that if our son was able to call he would. No news was good news. Quietly, My anxiety was mounting and I could not have both of us climbinbg the walls.

Well it seems men do think they are invincible at any age. My husband, while being concerned for our son decided that he was going to drive to blockbuster to rent 2012 in Blue-Ray since we only had a regular DVD version. Our youngest son, (before I could even reply to my husband) chastised him for considering driving while the sirens were going off and tree limbs flying.

Our oldest son finally arrives. He recounts the woes of his drive and to quote" Nobody should be out if they do not HAVE to be" as my husband was heading out the door....

Oh how the roles do reverse LOL. Our two sons step in front of their father and tell him that he is not going to blockbuster to get a stupid movie in Blue-Ray. Its not worth his life. They want their Dad alive.

Chuckle chuckle chuckle.......

Lethal People By John Locke

2010-01-25T13:25:00.001-05:00

Donovan Creed , the main Character, has tremendous endurance for physical pain along with extreme mental control in his occupation of a hired assassin. The attributes and occupation would conclude that the character Donovan Creed is emotionally unapproachable.

The crime that is the premise of the book draws the reader to come alongside Donovan Creed in his quest to extract revenge for the victims.

Donovan Creed, horrifies, surprises, humbles and vindicates throughout this nonstop action novel.

The story is well told and gives the reader closure for the victims of the original opening crime.

What the author does is leave the reader with lots of questions regarding the origin of Donovan Creed the person. The reader is introduced to Donovan Creed at what seems to be midpoint in his life.

There is definitely many a backstory begging to be told here.

“Lethal People” is a book that once you pick it up you Just need to finish it!

John Locke’s Books can be purchased :

@ http://www.lethalbooks.com/index.php?page_id=269

@ http://bit.ly/lethalpeopleamazon

You can also find John Locke on Twitter @DonovanCreed.

The Last Surgeon By Michael Palmer

2010-01-21T10:00:00.001-05:00

I received a few books written by Michael Palmer as Christmas presents this year.

I was eagerly awaiting the ARC copy of “The Last Surgeon”. While I was waiting for it to be delivered I picked up “ The Fifth Vial” and could not put it down and so I knew that when My copy of “the Last Surgeon” arrived I needed to carve out time to have the ability to read it start to finish.

“The Last Surgeon” is based on quite a bit of research ranging from the politics of Veterans Benefits, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), neurological /psychiatric conditions, and electronic medical records/billing systems just to name a few.

This books opens the readers eyes to some cold hard realities of what the Veterans of today can go thru after serving our country. Although this book is based on fictional characters there is always an element of truth in a fiction story I believe.

Dr. Nick Garrity represents a man with a heart for Veterans who tries in his daily life to obtain care for all he can come in contact with. All this while battling PTSD and his own demons after serving his country.

As the story unfolds the reader gets to feel the dark cruel cold presence of a hired killer who actually enjoys his job and hungers for his kills.

The character Jillian is a woman who honors her instincts and beliefs. Jillian begins to investigate her loved one’s death and gets introduced to a world she never knew operated in our society. I personally identified with Jillian’s drive to make all the puzzle pieces fit together.

The book educates the reader as well as entertains.

Michael Palmer once again has written a novel of distinction!

"The Last Surgeon" will be officially released February 16th, 2010 and can be preordered @ http://www.michaelpalmerbooks.com/

Sudden Death By Michael Balkind

2010-01-17T09:51:00.003-05:00

    Sudden Death is not in my normal genre of book selection . I decided to read Michael Balkind’s books because of his warm and engaging presence on twitter.

    Needless to say I was not disappointed! Michael gives so much in this book that you do not expect in a golf thriller. I have a far better understanding of golf, fine wine and dining. There is a lot of attention to detail which makes this book extremely approachable for the non golfing reader.

    You will find while reading this book that the main character Reid Clark can be found in every sport and corporate scenario. So you do not have to be into golf or even a golfer to appreciate “Sudden Death”.

    I can clearly see why James Patterson and Clive Cussler recommended this book!

    You can find it : Amazon @ http://bit.ly/7udtzD or http://www.balkindbooks.com/

The Claddagh Earrings

2010-01-16T09:55:00.002-05:00

It was Christmas 2004 and I was getting asked the usual questions by my family as to what I wanted for Christmas. I was told by my family that responses of “World Peace” or “All my family together and healthy” were not what they wanted to hear. They wanted me to tell them something substantial and tangible. Needless to say I am always told I am the worst person to try to purchase a gift for. On the contrary I feeI I am the easiest person to select a gift for. I have all I want because I want all I have, which is just plain and simple to me.

So the badgering of soliciting my “Christmas List” continued until the one day I folded and handed my husband my short list. I knew it was not going to satisfy his desire to adorn me with diamonds and furs but he asked what I wanted and he needed to respect my wishes.

The very first item on my list was a pair of gold Claddagh Earrings. I had admired them for sometime quietly and I knew that my husband did not have any idea or I would have already been wearing them already. I had a few other odds and ends on the list but I was really stretching with this list directive.

I really could not ask or put on a list my heart’s desire. I knew giving my husband the unattainable was cruel and unfair because my heart’s desire was not within his reach or mine. We already had spent years striving to attain what would make my heart and his hearts sing with joy.

Our daughter was 19 years old and for the most part had spent the last 2 and half years in and out of bed. She had always been tall and slender but this Celiac Sprue disease was truly affecting her weight, her ability to go beyond our home to social settings and College.

Our daughter, only daughter, as well as our 2 beautiful sons were and still are the center of our universe. We did, and always will do until our last breath, whatever we have to that is best for them.

My husband and I were able to bring her to the best doctors on the east coast and now we were taking her the Mayo Clinic. I already scheduled an appointment with the Mayo Clinic but there were several weeks to wait for that. We were desperate as each pound dropped from her very emaciated body as it was. So needless to say writing on my “Christmas List” our daughter’s cure was definitely not happening. I continued to go directly to God with that request.

Christmas day arrived and I received my beautiful gold Claddagh earrings from my husband. I loved them and would cherish them. I wore them with my Irish pride and he knew I appreciated how he respected my “Christmas List”. That was the best part of Christmas for me because things went downhill very quickly after the gift exchanges commenced.

Our daughter went straight back to bed and looked worse than ever. I had her to the Dr. twice during the week. She was having a very difficult problem that she had never had before and the meds given were not helping. My instincts were screaming for some time now that Celiac Sprue was NOT her problem although the blood tests, scans and scope all pointed to that disease I was not buying it totally.

I had joined all the support groups on the Internet for Celiac Sprue Disease and I felt that she was not reacting to the treatments like the people I talked to very regularly. That is why I decided that bringing her to the Mayo clinic and having her evaluated by a fresh group of Drs. might shed the correct light on her disease.

It was 2 days after Christmas and she was in agony and doubled over. I had not left her side and slept right next to her. I did all that the Dr. told me to do and had him on the phone constantly. I was given a last option as a course of treatment but if it did not work I was told to take her to the Emergency Room where she definitely did not want to go. I took out all the treatment apparatus and talked to her about it. She trusted me as she had all her life and told me if I felt like it was the right treatment she would allow me to administer it to her. All at once my inner voice was screaming a big NO not to proceed. I shared this with her immediately and I told her we were taking her to the hospital where someone else could decide the next step. I did not feel that I could do anymore for her at home. I was broken because I am “A fixer” and when a fixer is broken its devastating. I would give her my heart, my kidneys whatever she needed if it made her live without all this pain!

It turned out I had made the correct life or death decision not to administer the in home treatment. I was told by the ER nurse that if I had proceeded with the treatment I could have killed her. Our daughter was dying before our eyes and there was not one single thing in this world that we could do but let more Drs. Try to figure out how to intercede and prolong her life as we stood by and watched and prayed and prayed.

Almost 12 hours had passed and she was all hooked up to several lines of IV. Several non invasive tests were done and we awaited their discoveries preparing ourselves for more bad news.

The ER Dr. entered our presence with some news. She announced that our daughter’s disease was in fact Crohn’s Disease. My daughter let out with a scream of joy for this diagnosis. We all stared at her in shock as she explained that maybe NOW she will be able to grab hold of this disease and fight it with all she had. After all we followed everything to the letter with the Celiac Sprue diagnosis and all the while we both did not truly believe it was in fact Celiac Sprue all those years.

The ER Dr. explained that she was in a very bad way internally and before anything could be further done for her, they had to IV powerful meds to reduce inflammation and then decide what the next step would be. She was not allowed to eat, which she had not eaten in 2 days as it was and the hunger pangs were painful in addition to the other pain. Our daughter was tough and we would help her again thru this nightmare all the while I was suppressing my kick butt and take names qualities for the Drs. that missed this Elephant in the room. My husband gave me a knowing gaze and grabbed hold of my hand knowing full well that a war was just delivered to his doorstep.

I slept along side of her watching her breathe and holding her hand as her body convulsed in pain and hunger. Her eyes starting to plead with me to make it all stop. I begged God to give me the disease, I was tough and I could take it rather than her. I bargained with God and told him what I would give up, give back etc.

After almost 2 days of reducing the inflammation she was ready for a procedure that was going to tell us the extent of her internal damage and the how and if it could be repaired.

The young Dr. came in to discuss what his intentions for this procedure were. He and my daughter hit it off famously. Thru it all she still had a sense of humor and he was an absolute doll! I had not slept, showered or left her side for days. I became aware of my frightening appearance as they discussed her surgery. I also became aware that I had lost one of my precious Claddagh Earrings. I was for a moment truly upset. I decided to shelve the mourning process of the loss of the earring because my daughter was the priority and an earring could be replaced, a new outlook for me anyway about special gifts that I cherished.

The exploratory procedure was done delicately with pediatric instruments I was told because of the delicate condition her insides were in. We were told that there was hope of reducing all the inflammation but there were complications that maybe could be healed with a high amount of steroids combined with several antibiotics and her road of healing was not guaranteed. As the Dr. continued to explain I started to melt down from the several days of adrenaline rushing thru me nonstop and the lack of sleep and food. I had sent my husband home with the boys because I wanted to watch and question everything that went into those IVs. I wanted no mistakes! Since obviously there already had been the greatest mistake already done and which in fact was why our daughter was in this very place at this very time

My husband practically carried me out of there all the while telling me I could come back as soon as I showered, ate and had some shut eye and he had scheduled his Mom to stand watch at the hospital and after all she is a Nurse and an anal one at that. I complied with his wishes because of sheer exhaustion.

During the car ride home I became aware again of my disorderly appearance and lack of one earring. I hesitated to make my husband aware of my loss because it was so insignificant in comparison to all we had been thru and him inheriting the anal qualities of his nurse mom, he would comb the hospital and retrace every step just to find my cherished earring.

I decided to tell him when we had arrived home so he would not take the route of scavenger hunt right then and there. He knew with all that had transpired this earring thing paled in comparison to what we were facing of possibly losing our daughter.

I stepped into the shower with a long list of prayers, thanks and grievances. I spoke to my Lord and Savior a long time in there. I asked for answers, cried quietly for what I considered a failure on my part as her mother not to have done more to keep her out of harm’s way.

I needed answers only God could tell me and I needed them fast. I needed peace that surpasses all understanding that in the big picture our daughter would survive. I was finishing my shower and I heard my husband’s booming voice yell my name. All I could think was “Now what” my heart jumping! I rushed out of the shower to see my husband smiling big. He was holding my Claddagh Earring, the other Claddagh Earring. I was so confused. I knew my shower was definitely not long enough for him to run to the Jewelry store and purchase a replacement earring. Something never off the table for my husband.

He continued to smile and told me that he had begun retracing our steps of a few days ago and was planning on slipping out to the hospital to continue the retracing process when in fact he had seen a gleaming from the floor right in our upstairs hall outside our bathroom door as he was focusing on all that was around him.

All of a sudden I felt a rush of Peace and understanding. I cried and cried. My husband held onto me and just thought this was me cracking finally. I was in fact crying in joy. God had whispered to me that if I had lost my earring for days and I had in fact been to so many places in and around our house and the large hospital and my earring could be saved from a loss why would he not save my daughter who was far more precious than a golden earring. Then a Bible verse that I had recited so many times took on a whole new meaning.

Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see. Hebrews 11:1

Was I sure that she was going to live an earthly life thru all of this, the answer was no.

What I became sure of was that God had her in the palm of his hand and He was in charge not me. As the days and weeks rolled on it became apparent that the plan was that she was going to live thru this ordeal.

The story will be continued…….. …in the next Blog

"Death of a Cure" by Steven H. Jackson

2010-01-15T18:43:00.003-05:00

http://bit.ly/7ZcW8D

I truly understand what Steven H. Jackson was conveying with this riveting novel that hit home so very close to my heart. It is quite evident that Mr. Jackson has done his homework and has tremendous knowledge of NFP organizations .

I am a mother that has had a bird’s eye view and experience with a crippling debilitating auto-immune disease that is claimed to have “No Cure”. My daughter has Crohn’s Disease and was misdiagnosed for years with Celiac Sprue Disease another auto immune disease which rendered her bedridden and missing most of her teen years.

I never could accept that there was “No Cure for her”. I spent approximately 2 years pounding away on my computer seeking a “Cure” for my daughter. Always feeling that there truly was something “out there” that could help my daughter and others battling this auto-immune disease other than the very deadly pharmaceuticals that were offered and used.

Mr. Jackson illustrated in this novel what myself and many others ask themselves as they enter the chemopthereapy treatment centers, the Iron Infusion Centers, and the Remicade Infusion Centers . Along with the Diabetics as they check their numbers several times a day only to decide how much insulin is needed so they can enjoy a meal.

The looming question is…. “Is there a Cure” and is the health care industry making too much money off of the diseases to allow the cures to become available.

Mr. Jackson set in motion in his novel thought provoking issues of Today!

I loved Thomas Briggs, and his girlfriend sexy FBI Special Agent Marilena Rigatti. The love story that intertwined the criminal acts of many was classy and very well done.

I am looking forward to the next Thomas Briggs Novel !!

"Vigilante" By Claude Bouchard

2010-01-15T17:18:00.002-05:00

Vigilante" opens up with a powerful scene that provoked emotions in me not felt in years! I believe there is “Vigilante” in most people because of various circumstances in life. Claude Bouchard ‘s ability to stir deep emotions from his reader from the jump is truly a gift as an author. “Vigilante” grabbed my attention, held my attention and had me guessing until the very end.

I recommend reading “Vigilante” you will not be disappointed and like me will want to read the next book

"The Consultant"!! Purchase both together!

You can find "Vigilante" and other books written

By Mr.Claude Bouchard @ his website http://bit.ly/6HgMXU and http://bit.ly/Vigilante

Survival Experiment

2009-12-05T10:25:00.000-05:00

Almost 25 years ago I brought my first child home from the hospital. I had just turned 24 only the previous week and here I was with a newborn. I did not realize until I laid her down on my bed to unravel the myriad of blankets that I was the last stop! The buck stopped with me! Panic set in right about then. I started to cry for her not for me. Afterall I could not even make committments to my plants and keep them alive and thriving. Most of them had been on life support numerous times barely making it back to green again.

Flashbacks of dried up, lifeless, thirsty plants danced in my head. I had to push these images out of my head and focus on the life that was now dependent on me.

I decided that if I was currently her best shot in life, then I would Be The Best Mother and it would not matter if all went to hell around me. Yes including the plants.

I looked at my daughter lying so helpless and innocent on my bed and declared" I really hope you do have a better shot than the plants"! She smiled up at me and then I realized we were going to survive all my insecurities and mistakes to come because she already had a sense of humor when she realized who her mother was.

After that terrifying moment of realization came the true reality of life. I was and always will be where the buck stops for my family.

Sooo, this year I bought some bamboo plants for myself right after the 24 year old moved out to her own apartment. Since I clearly seen that the baby that I brought home 24 years ago had survived and she was the one who had the worst shot being my first...I decided that I would give the plants another shot and I chose bamboo because they have the highest survival rate.

I bought 6 bamboo stalks and planted 4 separately to symbolize my 3 children and the dog and 2 together to symbolize my huband and I. I placed them all in front of my brightly lit kitchen window. The reasoning behind the placement choice was 2 fold. One it obviously had a lot of sun, but two was that the survival rate for each of them would be higher if I seen them up close and personal every day. I would be able to water them as each one of them needed it.

I very quickly realized that I made the right choices to keep them right in front of me each and every day. They needed a lot of water, more than I ever thought. I kept a close watch on them and took care of each of them with the same light water and attention.

As the months progressed the plants were not growing and thriving at the same rate even though they were getting the same care. I checked to see if they were all getting the same amount of light etc and they were.

My original plan was to eventually pot them all together once I had established their root systems firmly. I was hesitant to pot them together until each one of them proved that they could sustain the move and that their root systems would not impede the other root systems in anyway.

Well I gave them all ample time and I kept hoping the one plant that was on life support would make a comeback so I could put them together as planned.

The test was going to be when I went away for a week and left them to themselves with ample light and water. Well when I came back from my trip I knew it was time to pull the plug. I truly was sad that I had to do this but I learned so much from this whole experience.

When I looked at the plants, I realized just as the sunlight and watering were the same for each plant I gave each of my children all the same of everything that they needed to thrive for their indivduality and their particular needs.

Each one of them have a firm root system and they are able to sustain the blowing winds of life because they have been given the gift of love by their parents who tended to each of their needs physically, emotionally and intellectually.

The big test for my plants today will be if they can survive their move to the pot that put their root systems together. Will their rooting sytems somehow learn to work together to make them stronger and survive as a whole. I hope so ! I know it has worked for the five of us.

Obviously I am a better mother than a gardener or ... is it that I Chose to be the "Best Mother " that day almost 25 years ago and not the best gardener???

Remember we do not have to be "The Best" we just have to strive to "Do the Best" that we can do with what we have to work with and that has to be enough.

Look at me, my resume had nothing on it to equip me for the job I had signed up for over 25 years ago.

2009-11-19T09:30:00.001-05:00

This WAS part of my breakfast . this is called DISTRACTION!

Comment on :New study: sports tied to bad behavior in some teens

2009-11-12T18:03:00.000-05:00

@TheKidsDoctor New study: sports tied to bad behavior in some teens. http://tinyurl.com/yd7ypt8. Thoughts? @katiesheadesign

   I have raised 2 boys and a girl all participated in different sports. I have observed various outcomes which at times included the following in my home as well as others:
   Too tired to do Homework which leads to :
anxiety, then insomnia, then irritability, then anger, then ourbursts, then discipline from parents, then rebellion.
   Its apparent that a pattern of negativity can be established if constant intervention is not maintained by parents setting limits all the time.
The other end of the spectrum is that when close management and supervision is established and maintained for the students,a very positive outcome can be the reality.
   The positive effects I have observed are that my children (now adults)can function as being part of a team and therefore cooperate and contribute to the bigger picture in life. Such as workplace situations, time management, people management, being aware of the needs of others. Just to name a few.

These are my thoughts and observations in response to the article referenced.

A little about Me and KatieSheaDesigns

2009-11-07T08:59:00.008-05:00

   I am part of something very big; I am a wife to my husband of 26 years, and for the past 24 years Mommy, MOM!, Motherrrrr, or on a very rough day Kathleen (when I have really gotten under their skin LOL)
   I am an entrepreneur since way back when. I have instilled this desire in each one of my offspring.
   I homeschooled each one of them for various amounts of time, around 10 years collectively.
According to my children way back then, we were the “different” family in the town :) LOL.
   I truly don’t mind being thought of as “different” because “different” delineates me, us from the rest of the family and the world. I have always taught my brood that what is good for each one of them individually is not always applicable for all of them collectively or others.

   I have seen clear evidence of this statement each and every day while I was homeschooling them. Why I say that with confidence is because I have taught 2 boys and 1 girl to read, write and rithmatic :). Each one of them learned what was being taught when their brains had the ability to process the information. We had many starts and many stops in different subjects.

   What I mean by that is that I followed a state mandated scope and sequence of what I “had” to teach “when” I was to teach it in that order. I tried it “their” way and when that was not the schedule of the said brain at that time, I would revisit it in a week, a month etc and have much more success. Well my children had keenly observed the success of this method and realize that they can be successful in whatever they try because they do not give up on the first, second or third attempt. This does not mean that they will be the best at whatever they are trying to achieve. It simply means that they are learning that there is a “Time for Everything” Eccl 3:1.

   So with all that being said… here “I” am being the entrepreneur that I have been told that I am blazing a new trail after this season of raising my children is just about closed. (Looking forward to giving cookies to my grandkids while my children reprimand me) :).
I have been told many many times that I tend to do things out of the regular order of life and yes I am starting a new business and career right smack in the middle of my said “life” , after I have raised my children and before I sign up for the AARP. ( a little Humor there)

   I will always be “Mommy, Mom , Motherr, and on a rough day Kathleen, Kathhhh to my husband but now I am the Founder of KatieShea Designs.

   I will be introducing my designs very shortly and I invite each and everyone of you to celebrate the events of your lives with a “Rose designed specifically for “YOU” because there is only one “YOU” and a I would like to reflect your individuality, style, specific event/memory in the design you commission me with.

   I will treat each client with the individuality and attention that I expect .

   MY two motto’s in life: “Never accept poor service” and “Nobody is paying me to take my money”

   I plan to start introducing my designs right here on my Blog so my friends who follow me can be the first to see the kaleidoscope/collage of my designs.

   I look forward to your comments. And please leave your comments, I love to hear from you!!

Thanks for being a part of my life :)

   Mommy, MOM!, Motherrrrr, Kathhh,  on those rough days Kathleen!

KatieSheaDesigns

P.S.

I will be blogging next on why I am called KatieSheaDesigns and how/why this business was born.

Dust on the Ceiling Fan

2009-11-02T04:27:00.001-05:00

It was Jan 2003 I remember distinctly.

My kitchen ceiling fan was very dusty. I looked up almost every day and made a mental note to clean those glaring white blades with the dust screaming Clean me!!! I really was irked that there was so much that was not getting tended to in my home.

I kept reminding myself that there were way more important things than dust, like my grandmother I was nursing back to health.

Grandma lived alone by choice. She was.. And still... is a feisty, petite, well put together 86 years old at the time. She looks way better than me even on her worst day. Her nickname has become "Grandma Clinique" obviously because of all the Clinique products she uses.

Well Grandma had a heart attack a week after she buried her younger sister in November 2002 and had quadruple bypass heart surgery the day after Thanksgiving of 2002. She needed to be taken care of when she was released from the heart step down program and nobody had room for her in their homes so... My husband and I transformed our newly built family room to Grandma's apt so we could take care of her. Sounds simple and nice right???

Grannie Annie is a compulsive neat nick who lives and dies by her stomach, the TV show schedule and her rigid schedule of life. She definitely came to the wrong place at my house.

My house was and is the "Circus". We have numerous pianos, keyboards, guitars, computers, art supplies, canvases, projects, fabric etc and visitors! You get the picture.

It was months of coming downstairs and praying she was still alive and she did not die in my house! It was months of medicine trials with reactions that gleaned heart stopping scary reactions. It was months of counting meds out 3X a day, and it was months of 3 meals a day on Grandma's stomach clock and showering her with sights I never wanted to see even in horror film!

My Aunts (who "did not have room for their mother in their own homes") used to tell me I was spoiling her by making her bed and serving her 3 meals a day delivering them to her recliner. I did not realize that they had inside knowledge to the reality that I was my Grandma's personal assistant and that she took time off from life to be taken care of like the "Queen" my Grandpa made her!

As this all unfolded, I was still taking care of my 3 children, my Husband, and heavily involved with a show that I was the backstage director/costume designer for.

My Grandma and my neighbors marveled at how many times a day my red van left my driveway scurrying to fill infinite requests and chauffeuring whomever wherever while Granma designed her menu and TV schedule for the day. Unbeknownst to me, Grandma was also keeping another schedule that slowly was revealed while she was doing her sick gig by me. Remember I mentioned Grannie Annie was... and still is a neat nick, well guess what? Grannie Annie was keeping a list of what "I needed to clean" only to be revealed at her own untimely discretion.

What do I mean by untimely discretion? Well while I was on all fours cleaning up the dog urine that my bichon involuntarily gave up because of a bladder issue, my grandma decided to sit in her chair and let me know that Her dinner "that was sitting only 3 feet on the counter, prepared by me punctually at 5:00pm, hot was getting cold! And...If that was not enough ...while I was cleaning up dog urine 3 feet from her and 6 feet from "her dinner" she said firmly! "When was I going to get her dinner from the counter and WHEN WAS I GOING TO CLEAN THAT CEILING FAN” as she pointed upward in my kitchen!!!

I could NOT believe my ears!! After months and months of devoting myself to the priorities of life and Grannie Annie being "the priority numero Uno" I finally wanted to just strangle her myself!

I adjusted myself and was determined to evict Grannie Annie ASAP. I gave her a rewarmed plate and told myself that the ceiling fan might never get cleaned.

When our eyes finally met, she told me that it was time for her to go home because obviously I did not have the time to do what needed to get done and having her in my home was too much for me because my ceiling fan had been dirty since she arrived and was still dirty.

Grannie Annie sent me to the store for her the following morning. I had not made her bed yet and she was not even dressed. When I arrived home I could NOT believe my eyes, her bed was made, she was dressed and her bags were packed and at the bottom of the staircase.

I asked if my Aunts were over and helped her. Grannie Annie stared at me and simply stated it was time for her to go home and obviously she meant right then, at that moment in time.

We stared at each other with our eyes locked not blinking for what seemed like an eternity.

All of a sudden I realized that Grannie Annie had been allowing me take care of her. All of our conversations came rushing back and swirling in my head.

Grannie Annie was the oldest of 7 in her family. She was her mother's right hand. She had been a caretaker most of her life. Her control issues stemmed from having to demand organization so everything and everyone could function seamlessly. Grannie Annie had lost her mother to cancer when she herself was in her early twenties. She became sister and mother to her siblings and her own children.

While Grannie was sitting in the recliner all those months, she shared so many stories with me that I would not have otherwise known if we did not have that time together.

The story that jumped out at me the most while I was staring into my grandmothers eyes was the one about her last visit to her home by her mother my great grandmother I never met.

She had told me this event repeatedly while she sat in "the Recliner".

Her Mother had traveled the train, ferry and bus to come visit her over in Jersey. When she had arrived she found a wonderfully prepared corned beef dinner with all the trimming. My grandmother made her mom sit down and be served her like a queen. Grannie Annie said that was her only memory of her mother ever sitting down to a dinner that was cooked by someone else and also her mother allowing her daughter to serve her. That was her mother’s last good meal and the last time she ever visited Grannie Annie.

Oh my goodness, I was floored. My Grandmother had NEEDED someone else to take care of her just for a short time. She was way way overdue! Nobody had taken care of her the way she needed to be taken care of since her own mother died!

It was as if she read my mind. She finally broke the silence and said " I cannot let you take care of me any longer because I will never want to go home." I started to cry and hugged her. I told her she did not HAVE to go home. She told me she did. “She had things to do”.

I smiled at Grannie Annie and hugged her some more.

40ish Moms and perimenopause . What I'm in menopause!!!!

2009-10-15T10:33:00.000-04:00

I just got off the phone with my best friend who is also 40ish, and realizing the same things as me. I likened our lives to being put in a spacesuit and shipped off to Mars then dropped off.

But.....before they open the hatch to drop us off we are told that we have to leave the spacesuit there and enter into this new environment completely unknown to us without the protection or the support of the space suit that enables us to get from earth to Mars.

We are also told that we have to quickly become adept to the new environment with all of the factors that are so foreign to our bodies on earth. We will have to breathe differently, find out how to live on this new planet and do it all ourselves etc. This will mean dealing with our bodies reacting to all that is new and not be able to get any help while we are adjusting....sink or swim we are told.   Oh... and by the way we cannot feel sorry for ourselves, show any emotion, miss anything or anybody from earth we must just go on.

And Yes one perk will be that we CAN have an interplatetary cell phone that we can only receive calls from the earthly people that need to ask questions or directions,,,just incase there were still some lose ends. It should be NO surprise to us that we can only RECEIVE "I Need" calls because that is what happened on earth. Bonus: if we receive too many calls on Mars we are then told : "We did not do our job right on Earth". I in turn am thinking... we did too much and that is precisely why we have been dropped off on Mars in the first place.   Just thinking outloud ...clearing my throat......

We are told that all that we did on earth really does not mean anything because it really was all for nothing. We were just foolish enough not to invest into learning about Mars while we were still functioning in our earthly familiar environments. The spacesuits were simply to make our transition FROM earth to mars as comfortable as possible for that brief time.  It was our jobs that we failed at ...not to have realized that all the while we were on earth we should have been preparing for the next planet.

Oh... by the way....nobody let us know that there was another planet we were going to be dropped off at after our usefullness was spent.

To all the good mothers and wives out there who have given selfishly to your family wake up and listen. You too could be on Mars so do all you can to prepare for it. Just in case....

Take care of yourself and your needs Now. Do not wait til everybody else is taken care because ....everyone else will just continue to ask of you what you do not have to give so .....you take it from your reserves. Then when the reserves run out you get to go to Mars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and get an occassional phone call from earth.... :)

Anthonyism # ??? LOST COUNT

2009-10-14T13:42:00.001-04:00

The other day my 2 oldest offspring were discussing "Why does Mom make Anthony the 22 year old's lunch every day to take to work or college"?

Anthony (the 22 year old) replies to the older 24 year old sister (who lives in her own apt and still brings home her laundry and shops in my pantry and fridge)... Mom does not have any one left at home but me and she wants to .......NEUTER ME!!!!!   LOL LOL LOL    Well after laughing so hard we were crying, I explained to my daughter that he meant NURTURE HIM. The sick part is I can follow his train and his train is not exactly on the tracks....

Example of Anthonyisms

Anthony @17 years old was going to the prom and asked me to order him a Croissant. I promptly ordered him the Corsage that he wanted.

Anthony @ about 11 years old was having a conversation with my husband in the car about entertainers that are quirky and demanding of others. Anthony's response was: I know Dad, there are a lot of Whitney Houstons out there. My husbands eyes popped, rendered speechless by this child clearly speaking another language that he did not understand!! So...  I translated for my husband from "Whitney Houston" to Prima Donnas because Anthony was really thinking about Madonna but meant Prima Donna aka "Whitney Houston". Well you try to follow that train!!! Exactly!

And  that was just a few :)

Again I am scared because I CAN TRANSLATE!!!

To Risk

2009-10-13T07:11:00.000-04:00

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental

To reach out to another is to risk involvement,

To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self

To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss

To love is to risk not being loved in return,

To hope is to risk despair,

To try is to risk to failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,

But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.

Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

A Dash, it says so much and so little.....

2009-10-05T09:06:00.005-04:00

Monday, October 5, 2009

Quote #274

Monday, October 5, 2009

There'll be two dates on your tombstone/ And all your friends will read 'em/ But all that's gonna matter is that little dash between 'em...

-Kevin Welch

Yesterday was the 21st anniversary of my Grandfather's death. I had been pondering IF I was going to go to the Cemetery yet another year and put the rock on the tombstone to say I was there (something my old Irish family traditionally does when they visit the dead). I had wrestled with it because last year when it was 20 years that Grandpa had been passed my Aunt Eleanor was still alive (my mother's youngest sister) and now she is buried almost right along side my Grandpa. I have been to the cemetery this past July 5th and already experienced her tombstone and I trembled then. It was surreal to me that SHE was in the ground ceasing to exist.

Back to my Grandpa. Grandpa had been THE most important man in my life until I met my husband. Grandpa was always there for me. Towards the end of his life we were even more close than when I was growing up. He loved my husband and was thrilled I had gotten married to a "nice man" like my husband. He loved his great grandchildren and wanted daily reports on their progress. Hence the Daily AM phone calls, always following up on the children, how and what I was doing, advising me and researching whatever needed to be found out for me or the children. My Grandpa was one of a kind. He did not have a college education because in those days you did not get scholarships for track and football and his immigrant parents made their way here, thats where it stopped. So he shared what he had with us.
By the time I was in my teens I knew so much about WWII. We sat for hours as Grandpa explained in detail the different battles that had occurred. Some combat he partook in. The Kamikazee he shot out of the air that could have sunk the whole battle ship he was stationed on.

You see Grandpa was an unusual soldier. He went into the War at 30 years old and 3 children home. He said every day as he went to work in NYC while the war was going on; people stopped him wherever he was and asked WHY a big strapping young man like him was not serving his country.   He was torn between country and Family. Then they were starting to call men in and his draft number was coming up soon, so he enlisted in the Navy rather than be drafted. He was so upset but rather than be put wherever the military decided to assign him, he signed up. He felt the navy would give im a better chance in coming home alive to take care of his 3 daughters and wife.

Fastforward, he obviously made it and lived to have granchildren and great granchildren.
I grew up with an unstable (unaffectionate towards me) alcoholic father that was unpredictable in all things.  My alcoholic father singled me out to corporal punish and make me an example all the time. He loved my sister because she was this little delicate blond who idolized him no matter what he did to me, my mom , her or my brother. I became the defender and the confronter and my Grandpa did not know the full scope of things that happened to me until I was much older. When my parents split, I had been traumatized because I witnessed and stopped my Father from murdering my mother and my baby brother when I was 6 years old.

After that horrible day, I had closed up to all male affection. It took years for me to even allow my Grandpa to hug me. He worked hard during this time to draw me out and respected my space. He knew that I had been violated emotionally and physically and it would take time to reach me if at all.

So.....We played endless word games and we drew together on the heavy cardstock he brought back from the book bindery. He always brought all kinds of books for me to read without covers on of course, because thats what had to happen to the discarded books before they left the factory. He always told me I could do whatever I set my mind to do because I was a thick Irishman LOL. Todays age it means stubborn and I have also been told a steamroller by others. I guess my Grandpa chose to see this as a positive attribute of mine that some see as an exhaustive detriment.

He always cheered me on with any accomplishment whether it be scholastically, sports, writing awards etc. He made me feel valued, respected and that it mattered that I was even born.

This is how Grandpa affected my life and I am just a small piece of the dash on the headstone.

That dash on the headstone between his birthday and his death represents so much life. Its amazing that when all is said and done, a DASH can be so powerfull, so final and so cold.

If you could relive 5 minutes ......

2009-10-02T08:46:00.000-04:00

If you had the opportunity to be able to go back in time anywhere in your life and relive 5 minutes......

What 5 minutes would they be?

My 5 minutes would consist of dividing my 5 minutes by 3. I have 3 children you see and they are grown. I would take 1 minute and 33 seconds to hold each one while they were infants. I would hold them real close, kiss them, breathe in their unique baby scent, rub my face against theirs and completely drink in their innocent little faces.

If I could relive just 5 minutes.....

The most valuable gift .

2009-08-19T10:34:00.001-04:00

The most valuable gift . To not only be heard, but..... to be LISTENED to.
"Kathleen DeCosmo"

2009-08-11T15:22:00.005-04:00

Hello,

The following is a call for help in achieving a possible walk on part on Madmen the smash hit on AMC . The open Call is for a opportunity for a walk on part for Season 4. My oldest and my youngest children are both actively pursuing a career in the arts. They are both studying in NYC.

I have decided to put this on my blog to try to help my children get the word out. The site to vote on seems to be having some problems with getting overloaded and had repeatedly been offline today. If you wouldn't mind terribly trying more than once if this appears to be happening when you try to vote. Each e-mail address is able to vote only once so may the best man /or woman covet your vote.

Thanks for all your Help!!!!!!!!

Kathy

NEED YOUR HELP

today Aug 11th 2009 before 12:00 tonight!

There is a TV show Mad Men on AMC (promo poster below) about Madison Avenue ad men in the 60's.
Not only do I love the show but I love the era!

There is an open casting call for a walk on role--all you had to do was fill out your information and upload an original "Mad Men-esq." photo of yourself... so I did! This isn't just an I want to be on TV stunt. My free time goes to studying acting/theatre in the village and would really love the opportunity to take it further. Below is my photo (set to look like a Polaroid) and the direct link to it on the AMC website:**note: if the link doesn't work its because the website is temporarily down**
The entries with the most votes / stars (up to 5 stars) have the best chance--according to the way of the contest.

Please, take a minute and click on the following link to vote for Elizabeth Decosmo: AMC » Mad Men Casting Call » Browse Photos

and/or

and my brother Ryan Decosmo
Ryan his link to vote here: Click here: AMC » Mad Men Casting Call » Browse Photos

Each computer address (ie: home, work, blackberry) can vote once a day.

I only became away of the casting call last week, took photos this weekend and posted last night so it's the LAST DAY! The contest closes at midnight tonight. So, please click on 5 stars and help my entry! :) Pass it along to everyone you know and have them VOTE as well. I really appreciate it.

Thanks! - xoxo Elizabeth DeCosmo edecosmo@gmail.com

Also viewable on: Facebook

PS: a lot of people are trying to get votes in before midnight, so the website is crashing periodically. Please, if you have the time, keep trying to get through! Thank you, thank you!

LDN beginnings

2009-05-25T23:05:00.002-04:00

I will be one of the guests today on Mary Boyle Bradley's blogtalkradio show discussing the Drug LDN (LowDoseNaltrexone) that has helped my daughter and best friend lead a normal life.

Mary is the author of "Up the Creek with a Paddle" the book that intrigued me, made me laugh, cry and gave me my hope back that both of these ladies that are so important to me could possibly have the shot at a close to normal life.

I want to say that Mary has done an extraordinary job writing this book. It drained my emotions to write just the little without all the details timeline to help me with the radio show. I experienced a small glimmer of how time consuming and emotionally draining it is to drudge up the memories of past pain as a caretaker let alone the victim of any of these dieases.

I decided to share this timeline on a newly formed blog I learned to make last night LOL. There is a first time for everything folks and novice as I am I am willing to share with you and also all of my flawed grammar and punctuation :).

It was tough to decide how to approach this and where to start becasue the story began long before 2001 but we just did not realize this until after the facts presented themselves in the form of an onslaught of symptons with no relief for years for my daughter.

So I chose to begin with Spring 2001 because this is the point in her life that her symptons worsened and became unmanageable to lead a normal teenage life.

I hope that this brief timeline review could possibly help someone out there in any way.

Spring 2001 : severe pains in lower right quandrant. Tested for: Helicobacter Pylori -results negative. Suspicion IBS

2001 Summer
Blood work: IGA IGG levels indicative of Celiac sprue
2001 Fall : Columbia Presby seen Celiac Dr. confirmed Celiac by bloodwork. My daughter did not want to have a colonoscopy. Started eating Celiac way. Fell off the wagon eating the celiac way. Struggled for the next almost 2 years eating and going to school.

2003: graduated HS and heading to University. Became sicker in the summer. Took the semester off.

Jan 2004: Started College online. Struggled the entire year to feel better. Began eating celiac way again in fall. Was desperate to feel better.

2004 Dec: 5’ 7” and 83 lbs from eating the Celiac way. Almost died.
Dec 28th 2004 : Emergency room scan revealed Crohns,
Dec 29th: Colonoscopy done with pediatric instruments and then confirmed Crohns with multiple fistulas present in the ilieum.
IV for days… heavy steroids and a reaction in the middle of the night. Thought I was losing her. Prayed over her all night. We got thru the night and she was able to start eating jello the next day. We took her home on Jan 2, 2005 on my Birthday. It was the best Birthday present to have my little girl alive.

2005
A year of tons of meds and not a lot of progress to remedy all the symptons.

Medicine diary written by my Daughter

In/after the hospital in '05
-cipro
-flagyl * idk about the dose for either of these antibiotics. I think one was like 375mg. that number is stuck in my head & I was on them for about a year & 1/2
-prednisone * I think something ridiculous like 300mg for a short time, then 100mg for a long time, eventually stepping down, but often having hiccups.

Eventually got off the steroids, then was stepped down off the cipro & eventually the flagyl...very slowly & I remember being off the flagyl something like 2week, then having to go back on the lowest dose bc my body wasn't having it. -- during the stepping down of the drugs they were trying once maintenance drug after the next to help me get off & to then keep my body in check.

I don’t remember all of them, there were definitely several. There was..
-aciphex, which I don’t believe lasted that long
-6 MP, the standard maintenance drug for crohns, which sent me into the ER with pancreatitis (I fell in the "grey" area of the Genetic pre-test)
-pentasa, which rendered me a walking zombie. Dropping my blood pressure and causing me to be extremely dehydrated to the point that I was all veiny, weak and had frequent panic attacks. I practically lived on xanex when taking this drug.

Then came my miracle drug, remicade. Started January of '06 and continued (on the same dose) until October of '08 when its effects began to dwindle . This enabled me to come off all other drugs, including my Zoloft with the exception of 25mg every OTHER day--because, for some reason, that little bit keeps my stomach/panic attack in check.

2006

Started Remicade Jan 2006

I began researching an alternative to remicade after my daughter was on for about a year which was the beginning of 2007. Our aunt was also on this drug but she had a form of arthritis I think. She cautioned and advised strongly that my daughter take milk thistle along with this drug to reduce any liver problems. Our aunt started to have problems with the drug after marking her 2nd full year hence me realizing the honeymoon would be over for us in about a year bringing us to and stretching it to the middle or end of 2007 based on my calculations of genetic disposition for allergies .

The summer of 2006 august the family went to Myrtle beach . Prior to leaving for Myrtle beach we had my daughter tested for antibodies of remicade. She was having severe itching all over her body and eating ice constantly. I felt like her body was beginning to reject the remicade but she was vehemently in disagreement with me. I insisted she get tested to see if she was in rejection. It is done with a blood test to see if there are antibodies present. She was miserable and wanted to fly home. We did not want her to be alone in this condition. We decided to leave a little early and since we drove we had this luxury. As we were preparing to leave my daughter while showering called my name. When I went into the bathroom she said she was going to pass out, then she did in my arms and I did not feel any vital signs. I screamed for my husband who tried to revive her. Not responding he threw her over his shoulder and for some reason she came back. The ambulance arrived and her BP was very low as well as her heart rate. She was brought to the hospital and was stabilized for the trip home. We were going to fly her home but she was afraid and wanted to stay with the family.
When we arrived home we brought her to the gastro who proceeded to tell us it had nothing to do with the remicade. She refused to get off the remicade because he explained that if we were wrong about her body rejecting it there was a strong chance she would not be able to receive remicade again or if she tried to resume after a lapse of time not taking the remicade her body most definitely would form antibodies.

We changed gastro DRS. Our new gastro watched her closely. She was having narrowing of her stools. He was very concerned. He performed a procedure on her and deducted that she needed a major surgery which might have resulted in removing part of the small intestine closest to the ileum which could have resulted in needing to wear a bag on the outside of her body maybe permanently. Our Dr was quite shaken up. He researched who was capable of doing the best surgery for this scenario. He found only 2 Drs that he felt very capable of possibly preventing her from this grim scenario. We went to Cornell and to our surprise the Dr. was very optimistic and decided to just to exploratory and maybe a repair as he saw fit or…. do nothing after he was in the the operating room based on what he finds and reschedule her for the BIG lifechanging surgery.

Jan 4th 2007

We braced ourselves and had so many people all over the world praying for her.
When the Dr. came out of surgery he told us that when he went in he simply had to remove scar tissue that was very close to the ilieum and she was very lucky. That was all that needed to happen because she was all healed up inside from the remicade. She needed to go to Cornell as needed for a very simple procedure he could perform in his office if he deemed necessary if she started having the same symptons was his recommendation. My husband and I were calmly suffocating screams of joy that she did not have to be cut up and wear a bag on the outside of her body for who knows how long if not indefinitely.
After that I promised myself that I would find an alternative to these drugs because I was afraid what would happen when and if they began to fail her.
I was driven and spent hundreds of man hours researching. I joined every group in addition to all the other groups I previously joined. Spoke to so many patients with auto immune disease. Typed in so many queries into the browser that I literally fell asleep with my head on the keyboard so many nights. I could not rest until I found something to “go to” for my little girl.
It was Oct 2007 and I was in some support group site when I stumbled on something called LDN. I read and became intrigued by what the patient was talking about.
I typed in “LDN” . I came up with LowDoseNaltrexone.org and of course I drank in the whole site which led me to dig some more and find the book “Up the Creek with a Paddle” By Mary Boyle Bradley.
I was so excited I needed the book at that moment.!! I got on the phone and tried to track a copy down within the hour. Unfortunalely, I had to order online with expedited delivery. I ordered 2 copies, one for me and one for my best friend who has MS and was struggling with a very bad October. I was hoping that she would come out of October symptom free and wanted her to read the book with me and possibly consider this treatment for herself and I wanted my daughter to read the book and consider it also.
Well I read the book twice underlining and highlighting as I went. My friend was having some symptons which made it difficult to read comfortably so I started spitting out the knowledge I gleaned from the book until she was able to do a full read herself. We spent a lot of time discussing the book and LDN.

Jan 2008

My friend lost her vision again. I told her this would be the time to try the LDN. We went to a medical Dr. in the area to try to persuade him to give us a prescription for LDN. He wanted to give her prednisone . He would not give the prescription although I had sent him all the Info prior to the appointment and had more info with us at the appt. He said would not prescribe this off label and he really pushed the prednisone that we did not accept and walked out.
I looked around for a local DR. to prescribe. I found Dr. Sullivan in Mechanics PA.
We made the phone appt and faxed the paperwork. We had to wait almost 10 days for the appt. I was getting nervous because I felt the window of opportunity closing to regain her vision fully. I had read up to 6 weeks from onset of the sympton you had to possibly reverse the symptom.

My best friend with MS began LDN : beginning of 2008
1st dose
Vivid dreams and I think a little trouble sleeping if I remember her saying that
No change with vision

2nd dose 2 pills
After starting 2nd dose the 12th week of LDN .........VISION RESTORED!!!!!.

3rd dose 3 pills 4.5 mg
Tingling began in hand then worked up the arm then the rest of the right side feeling returned after 8 years absence. This was not even on the table as a hope of any feeling returning. What a beautiful surprise gift!!!
Doing very very well…… It is May 2009 over a year on LDN!!!

Back to my daughter

Summer/Fall 2008

The length of the remicade being effective was now somewhere between 4-6 weeks. She usually went 8 weeks between infusions. The Dr .was talking about either increasing the dosage or giving the infusions closer together.
Remicade infusion June 20 something
Car accident July 8th side swiped truck changing lanes. I started to worry that it had something to do with her health, then dismissed it as me obsessing.
Skin breaking out with tiny bumps, bathroom trips increasing and lasting long in duration, trips to the dermo, gastro etc. Sometimes Dizzy, feeling like blacking out, just feeling lousy. Had to refrain from driving during those symptons.
Oct 7th Remicade infusion
Oct 8th car accident side swiped truck changing lanes.
I was concerned that her peripheral vision was being affected by the remicade. I sent her to a specialist to make sure. All was well with her eyes.
She was due for an infusion at the end of December. A decision had to be made.
I encouraged her to try the LDN at this point right before she was due for the infusion because by my calculations she would be in the middle of the 2nd dosage change of the LDN and probably feeling its benefits before her window of opportunity to do the remicade would close leaving her with an antibody problem. It was the TIME. We made the appt. and she began.

My Daughter’s update written May 25th 2008

Started LDN Dec. 20 '08. I felt like crap for months. LDNt really didn't do anything until I was on the full dose and even that took awhile, probably in part because of my always low iron. LDN works, in the sense that it keep my bowels moving and my weight has remained "stable." But in the beginning I did not have an appetite (as predicted), which I battle to begin with. I hardly ate so that only made me weaker. Eventually I stopped being repulsed by food (I think around the fully dose) but I still rarely get really "hungry" like when I was on remicade.

When I was on the remicade, before the last few months, I could eat almost anything (my allergies & things like corn or overly fried foods aside) without any repercussions. Maybe a short feeling of being "full" at most & only because it enabled me to really EAT, like I hadn't in years. But I never really felt uncomfortable or like I had to run to the bathroom after eating. Also, my stress did not send me running to the toilet.

On LDN, not the case. I go more regularly than on the remicade (which I think is a good thing, some people may see it as a symptom...but I prefer to feel cleaned out). However, I am back to being uncomfortable and/or having a distended stomach after almost EVERY meal... It inhibits my eating because I do not enjoy that feeling. If I could skip meals & not get weak/nauseous I would.

One thing I noticed fairly quickly with LDN was my skin. On remicade (at least I always thought it was remicade but had no way to really know) it didn’t heal like it used to. My face would get irritated easily & bumpy. Nobody else would notice it & you all would say I was crazy when I said my skin was in bad condition but I knew what it was supposed to look like. My skin has been healthier, smoother and just overall calmer since I switched to LDN (or discontinued the Remicade).

I think the true test of the LDN will be what I feel like after my iron is raised by the infusions scheduled. Perhaps that will help, or maybe I will have to find something to take in addition to it... or just (gasp) change my lifestyle entirely. I am hoping I don’t have to do that, being that I am so picky and have so many allergies. I did really enjoy that about the remicade, being able to eat without feeling like I can’t move afterwards. oh well!

Author’s notes

· If my daughter had not taken the Remicade which afforded her the time to heal and get her in a good place internally and emotionally then getting on the LDN in the state she originally was in Dec 2004 would have started her, and kept her, in the particular stage of the disease. Although I was against her taking Remicade, her disease had progressed so far along because it originally was diagnosed as Celiac that she ended up healing while on the Remicade bringing her to an excellent starting place to begin the LDN. All God’s perfect timing.

We will follow up with more updates as the months unfold to be helpful and encouraging to anyone else going thru an autoimmune disease and is ambivalent about making the switch to LDN.

If you know someone struggling with an autoimmune disease let them know about this Drug and where you can find all the information is http://www.lowdosenaltrexone.org/ and join the broadcasts every Tuesday @ 1:00pm EST @ www.blogtalkradio.com/Mary-Boyle-Bradley

God Bless

Kathy Decosmo