Sept 11th, 2011

Sept 11th, 2011 is the 10th anniversary of the most tragic day in our nation’s history. It is a day that can be marked as a life changing day in so many ways.

Those life changes include some of the following: the death/s of loved ones, injuries that have had life changing effects on individuals/families, loss of business/s, higher usage of anxiety/PTSD drugs, security measures drastically changed for modes of transportation, laws changed regarding privacy, NYC landscape changed forever just to name a few.

Every US citizen regardless of where we reside has been impacted by that fateful day and its tentacles reach far beyond our borders and into our everyday lives.

Our American way of life has changed to include family evacuation plans as well as towns, city and stated hence Homeland Security.

We are constantly aware of what color our threat level is set at before we consider traveling within our region or abroad. We tell ourselves that we will not let the terrorists win and we will continue on with our lives as normal.

Normal’s definition pre 09/11/01 is completely different than what is considered normal today.

I have had to frequently fly these past few months. I have to allow extra time for the security and if I should be detained for reasons out of my control I now purchase travel insurance.

We struggle through security emptying our briefcases, handbags, taking off our shoes and belts. We would feel guilty complaining about the inconvenience of all these procedures put in place to help protect the security of our country and our lives.

When we visit museums, monuments and landmarks we go thru the same procedures to ensure the safety of ourselves and others.

Truth be told the terrorists have accomplished reminding us of their ever looming presence in the shadows merely by having all these security practices carried out every day in our lives.

We are Americans and Americans always rise to the challenges set before us. We have a new defined normal and we have woven it in our hearts and our actions.

We carry the memory of the suffering of our family, friends, neighbors and just plain Americans in our minds and our hearts post 09/11/01.

Just about 9 months from now we will gather as a nation and honor all of the 911 victims and heroes. We will painfully remember the lost, injured and sick as a result of the attack and the after effects.

There is a 911 Memorial Museum being built to honor the lost and YOU can contribute by visiting the Memorial Website  http://bit.ly/911MEMDnte  Sponsor a cobblestone that will be placed on the Memorial Plaza and receive a cobblestone membership card with your identifying cobblestone number. You will also be acknowledged on their website and in the World Trade Center Memorial kiosk.

View my 9 Months & 11 Days Post   http://rosesofdistinction.wordpress.com/

Posted from on the road in Las Vegas Nevada today.

Extra Shorty Contest, Special Edition: "10"

Extra Shorty Contest, Special Edition: "10"

Extra Shorty Contest, Special Edition: “10″

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"Sitting" with Peter Damian Bellis Author of "The Conjure Man"

http://www.conjureman.net/Buy.html

“Too many writers do not sit long enough with their books and so miss the opportunity to capture the echoes, anchor the emotional impact, make their book what they see in their mind and feel in their soul, but rarely capture on the page. Then again how easy for me to say sit with your book a little while longer; I sat with The Conjure Man for 23 years, and for a variety of reasons, not just because I was sitting with the book (more about that in a later post). But even when I was not sitting with The Conjure Man, I was sitting with it. “  
Peter Damian Bellis  http://threecentsoflimeandiron.com/

“ Sitting” has dominated my thoughts for over a week since I first read my friend Peter’s post.   

“Sitting” is the perfect description of what I do as a designer and what I have yet been capable of conveying to my non artistic friends, family etc.

I “sat” with my roses for a few years encouraged by my friend Shea not to give up and to keep on keeping on.  Hence the name KatieSheaDesigns since without Shea’s encouragement I would not have kept designing.

My very first Rose Design was inspired from a beautiful image of a baby named Amelia Marie.
My first “Rose of Distinction”  http://bit.ly/weliot
was inspired by my friendship with 
Winslow Eliot http://winsloweliot.com/  
Author of “Heaven Falls” and “The Bright Face of Danger”. 

Last weekend we had a Tweet-up In New York  http://winsloweliot.com/2010/05/tweet-up-in-new-york/ 
and I experienced some very interesting and stimulating conversation with all of my friends attending.

My conversation With Peter Damian Bellis last Saturday evening clarified and validated all I have been feeling for the past few years.   He explained to me the sitting process he mentioned in his post last week.   I totally identified with his description of a writer is always writing even when he is not typing or physically writing as well as the importance of “sitting” with a piece until you feel it has been nurtured to your satisfaction and even then…

While Peter was speaking so many thoughts were racing through my mind.    The countless ideas in my idea book I started years ago, the writing pieces sitting on my computer finished, unfinished and the bolts of fabric adorning my office/studio.

To the naked eye I can come across as a scatterbrain, eccentric and unproductive versus the overachieving steam roller from years gone by. 

I am currently reviewing everything I have been “sitting with” and am choosing which designs to produce and pieces to post or publish.  I feel such a sense of peace and validation from finally being able to feel like I can express correctly what others perceive as a lack of productivity.

I have been asked over and over “When are you going to get serious and start pumping out those roses”?    I have tried to communicate that I have not felt it was time yet for me to enter into the marketplace with my roses.   My answer is “I am sitting with them”!

I am currently designing several “Roses of Distinction” and Peter Damian Bellis’s Novel   “The Conjure Man“  
 http://www.conjureman.net/   is one of my inspired designs.

I have begun reading “The Conjure Man“ and can understand why I quote  “One early reviewer said this book might be the best book to come out since Huck Finn“!

Brooklyn ....Memorial Day Weekend Surrounded by Family, Friends, Food and Wine!

The conversations were heartwarming, diversified and comedic.  My husband even had one of the guests prank phone call our daughter asking her just one more time “Is it All about Trendz” a jewelry store in Manhattan that we all could not get straight in our heads.   Maybe it was the sun or the wine or just both.  We laughed so hard we could not breathe as our daughter called us all jerks and hung up for the third time!

My husband’s family have their roots in Brooklyn so many of the guests were from “The Neighborhood” and there was a lot of reminiscing.

Our cousin Big Art joined in and the conversations ranged from how his hearing became impaired by the gunshots that were fired by his ears during his career as a NYC Transit cop to the POW bracelet he wears on his wrist. 

We all examined the copper looking piece and discussed the names and inscriptions.  Big Art can appear to be rough and tumble but is in fact a kind and deeply caring man.  The bracelet has been worn by him since the late 60’s.  The POW represented on the bracelet was dated as missing since 1965.  My husband, myself and a few others recalled our grammar school years during the Vietnam War there were many bracelets worn with names inscribed representing men serving and missing in Vietnam.  Upon further inspection we became aware of another name inscribed more recently.  Big Art explained it was one of “His” that perished 9/11.  We all fell silent out of respect for the fallen.  My heart was silently breaking for him.  Big Art is immersed in taking care of “His own” meaning the families of the 9/11 fallen.  He is extremely proactive in preserving the memories of the men and honoring them.

Big Art, although retired for many years was one of the first responders arriving at the BIG Hole and piles of rubble hoping to rescue any survivors.

All of us briefly flashed back at the mention of the fallen man represented on Big Art’s bracelet to that day of horrifying tragedy, loss and uncertainty. 

My mind flooded with the images of the second plane hitting the second tower and then both towers imploding shortly thereafter!

My husband and I had the longest phone call that day since he was blessed with one of the only working telephone lines.  He was awaiting his assignment from the Hospital he works for.  There were thousands of body bags arriving throughout the city hospitals and all were bracing for a rising death toll and injuries galore.  He was mandated to stay and work for however long it took to take care of the injured.  Phone service in NYC was at a minimum if any, so I was the conduit from the hospital staff to family members informing them of their loved ones safety.  We kept the line open for hours as I dialed on my cell phone and even put the cell phone to the receiver so people could connect and be comforted by the sound of the live voices. 

Hours went by and finally my husband said we had to free the line.  I was deeply troubled since I did not know if this was going to be the last time I would ever hear his voice.  I became immobilized and kept repeating myself in an effort to keep him on the line.  Hanging up with him was like letting go of a drowning man.  I told myself I had to keep it together since we have 3 children and if I looked worried they would be worried.  I left them in school while all this was going on because I needed to collect myself to present to them a calm, confident mother.

Our drive home from Brooklyn brought us right past the World Trade Center site.

I usually do everything I can to avoid that whole area and today of all days we HAD to pass by because of Holland Tunnel traffic.  This time I forced myself to face the Big Hole and the beginnings of rebuilding. 

Our friends James and Shea were snoozing in the back of the Van unaware that they were in the presence of a sacred ground.  All of my senses became heightened and I became acutely aware of utterances, murmurings and physical pain just being in close proximity to this tragic parcel of land.

I feel sad and guilty at the same time.  Sad for all the loss that is still being felt throughout our surrounding area and guilty because I was not in the midst of the first responders. 

I want to do something of significance in remembrance of all those that were lost in the 9/11 attacks.

This Memorial Day let us remember the Men, Women and Children that have FALLEN on our own Soil.

Grannie Annie Episode 1 million

The other day I received yet another demanding phone call from Grannie Annie, the matriarch of the family.  Grannie Annie is my grandmother and as I have mentioned in previous posts a tough, strong, demanding survivor.  Gazing upon this 92 year old you would be in awe of her beauty and how she is so smartly dressed even at her age.   My grandmother is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  More cunning and manipulating than you could ever give one credit for.

My Aunt and I have made countless trips to the Emergency room the last four months with Grannie Annie crying wolf.  The last time my husband and I received a phone call at 11:30 pm From Grannie Annie telling me she was dying and I needed to get over there so she wouldn’t die alone. 

So my husband and I threw ourselves together and off we went.  I knew this was either the real deal or a setup as I put the keys in the door only to NOT find the regular barricading of her front door in place.  We always ask her NOT to do this because it just complicates getting into her home when we get calls like this.

We find Grannie Annie in bed lying very still.  My husband a real softie when it comes to Grannie Annie rushes to her bedside.  I, on the other hand have the job of interrogating this incorrigible drama queen again.  Grannie Annie captures my husband’s emotions upon impact and I see now I will have to do battle with both of them to sort out the reality. 

My questions seem cold and to the point.  I seem clinical in my approach as I have my husband sit her up for me to take her blood pressure and heart rate. I examined her mouth, tongue and elasticity of her skin.  I watched her heart rate and observed her respiration.  All while she was recounting to my husband how she arrived in this condition from only a few hours before.   My grandmother had expressed all year that she wanted to die since my other Aunt had passed away earlier in the 2009.  My grandmother took a physical and mental dive after the death of her youngest daughter.

My observations brought me to the conclusion that she was in respiratory failure and dehydrated.  This was maybe the fourth time I have observed Grannie Annie in this physical state these past several months. 

I felt it appropriate to tell Grannie Annie my findings and see how she wanted to proceed especially since she said she wanted to die.  My husband was furious that I concurred that she was indeed dying and was letting her know the facts. 

What my husband had failed to realize was that because I have dealt with prior emergencies with my grandmother, I have already reconciled her death.  I expect to one day walk in her home to find her passed on.  Roll back several years and Grannie Annie had lived in our home recuperating from a triple by-pass heart surgery.  Every day I would wait for the children to be off to school before I checked on her.  I did not want to find a dead grandmother with my children home.  

So pretty much I have been in boot camp for this situation.

I also felt the need to call my Aunt and Uncle and let them know the very serious side of this scenario.  They needed to take control of this situation being the elders. 

As my husband coddled and held my grandmother’s hand I walked around the house only to find all the medicine she has stashed that she decided NOT to take.   I brought it all to her and showed her.    She coldly stared at me and told me NOT to tell my aunt.  I refused to agree with her request.  I told her that she was sabotaging her health and she was probably in this situation because of it.

Well to shorten the story my Aunt and Uncle arrived and it was decided not to grant her desire to die in her bed that night.  She was transported to the hospital.  It was validated that her oxygen level was in the critical zone and she was dehydrated.  She would have indeed died without intervention.

Well Grannie Annie refuses to give her consent to go in a nursing home and I refuse to respond to her demanding phone calls.  I know for her own protection she needs to be taken care of.  My Aunt continues to honor Grannie Annie’s wishes and I have decided on the next hospital run I will call in intervention to help my Aunt truly see what the right thing to do is.

 Since Grannie Annie told me that night that she could not eat,   

I told my grandmother she better not demand a turkey sandwich when we arrive at the hospital as she has had the past three times.  

Inside of an hour she sent my husband and Uncle to a diner for her turkey sandwich!

I love my grandmother and recognize that she has an innate drive to truly live.

 The hardest decision loved ones have to make is to help a loved one see that 24 hours assistance is what is needed to sustain a life that is so compromised. 

Mom I am a Man! Ya Know....

Yesterday was one of the longest days of my life as a mom.  I have had numerous other days that my chosen fulltime occupation has impeded my thoughts and my ability to function to my fullest capacity and yesterday truly was one of them.

I awoke around 4:45 in the morning to my oldest son looming near my bedside, tentatively deciding IF he should kiss me goodbye or slither out the front door without having to listen to my adult perception of what he should Not be doing in addition to starting my concern clock this early.

Roll back to our conversation the previous evening. It went something like this:  Mom can you help me rearrange the cars so my car is in last? I look at him a little surprised he is inferring that he needs to get up early on a Saturday especially after the hell week he had at College this week.  I look at him puzzled and ask why is he getting up early on Saturday and if he realized that we would be receiving a huge storm that will have winds up until 70 MPH and 2-3 inches of rain.   His response irritated me because I think its cruel to mess with my mind this late on a Friday night.  My son informs me he is driving to Pennsylvania with his College Paintball team.  I responded with "I know You are Kidding"  its not nice to get me upset just to bust me.  He then informs me he is in fact competing in the "Battle of Stalingrad" a scenario competition that he was 2nd in command of last year and is Team Captain and one of the facilitators of all things on the East Coast Paintball Community.   He must be present. 

Now as a mother I cannot wrap my head around anything being as important as my child NOT putting himself in harm's way.   While reading this you might by now say ...what is she kidding her son plays paintball thats a harms way situation right there.  Well my answer is ..I put him out of my head the minute he drives away until he returns.   It is the only way I can get thru his competitions. 

I have participated in competitive sports and did my best to never let my team down but in my mother colored glasses all I could see was my son driving from NJ to Pennsylvania with wind whipping his car all over I80 with rain drowning his windshield.  I tried to reason with him Friday night and came to a stalemate.  My last words were if the weather is as bad as they say Saturday morning you would be irresponsible as the captain to allow your team to travel to compete. He smiled at me and told me we would talk in the morning.  My stomach sank because I know my son and that was him appeasing me.

So when I awoke to GI Joe Son kissing me so long I made my last stab at trying to make sense of why he needed not to lead his team into possible harm's way on the highway. 

My son is a steam roller and nothing gets in his way when he wants something or when he is responsible to complete anything he is tasked with.   I am told that the reason WHY my son and I get into conflicts is because he is just like ME.  

Well as I begin to lay out my case he stops me cold with:  Mom!! I am a Man ya know!!!  I told you I will make my own decisions because I know my abilities and limitations.  I also do not fear death because I know where I am going when I die.  It a win win situation for me either way mom and I love you.  You do not need to worry at all I am told by my oldest son.

What could I say to refute anything he said to me.  We did raise him to be independent, to appraise decisions based on his strengths and his weaknesses.  We also instilled in him not to be fearful because fear holds you back from living and God did not give us the spirit of fear.  Checkmate ...I kissed him and wished him well.

I stayed in bed which is unusual for me since I regularly rise early to begin my reading and writing.  I prayed for my son during the time he was traveling and trusted that he would arrive at his destination safely. I felt the wind whipping against the brick of my house and heard the rain pelleting my windows.  I felt suspended in time for the 2 hours he was traveling on the highway. 

The phone rang and my heart stopped.  My heart resumed beating when I heard his happy carefree voice on the other end declaring his safe, victorious arrival. His teammates all the while shouting hellos to me in the background.  I thanked God for yet another blessing of a safe arrival. 

When I got up to face the day I became aware that my property was a mess with objects strewn all over.  I had to Not think of my son competing in this weather and the possibilities of trees breaking, tree limbs flying etc.

The weather during the course of the day was getting worse.  My husband told me to text my son's phone and inform him that his father would be putting him and his team up in a hotel so do not leave Pennsylvania until he speaks with his father.  I know my husband thru all of this was doing his best to allow my son to be the man that he raised him to be and not interfere.   My husband did not consider this hotel offer an interference.

My son called and thanked us for the offer but he and his team decided to drive home. 

Based on the morning conversation and my son's convictions I had to trust that he was making the correct decision.

The weather was really hitting hard and the house was shaking.  Our neighbor's new gutters ripped off of his house and his large barbecue flew thru the air.  My husband and younger son went outside to help the neighbor rescue the flying objects.   I prayed more for my son and his teammates.

My husband kept looking at the clock and reaching for his cell phone.  I kept talking him out of calling our son.  I told my husband it would be a distraction from the road if our son answered his call and that if our son was able to call he would.  No news was good news.  Quietly, My anxiety was mounting  and I could not have both of us climbinbg the walls.

Well it seems men do think they are invincible at any age.  My husband, while being concerned for our son decided that he was going to drive to blockbuster to rent 2012 in Blue-Ray since we only had a regular DVD version.  Our youngest son,  (before I could even reply to my husband) chastised him for considering driving while the sirens were going off and tree limbs flying. 

Our oldest son finally arrives.  He recounts the woes of his drive and to quote" Nobody should be out if they do not HAVE to be"  as my husband was heading out the door.... 

Oh how the roles do reverse  LOL.  Our two sons step in front of their father and tell him that he is not going to blockbuster to get a stupid movie in Blue-Ray.  Its not worth his life.  They want their Dad alive.

Chuckle chuckle chuckle.......