In Answer to: Do You Think You’re A Good Parent?? How Do You Know?

I am a mommy of 3, ages 26, 24, 20.    There were and still are days that I ask myself “Do I think I am a good Parent and how do I know”?   These days my husband and I are reaping more fruit and seeing so much more come into fruition.

I started my Mommy career warning my oldest infant child and only daughter that I hoped she would survive because the plants sure did not!  She peered up at me from her receiving blanket with a knowing, trusting smile that later would reveal she trusted me even if I am a plant killer.  It is all about priorities I would later explain to her and my other 2 children as we trashed the unlucky plants month after month.

Parenthood is full of choices and priorities.  What most do not understand is that your priorities must never become your choices.    Let your choices be chosen based on the priorities you set.   What do I mean with this choice/priority talk?

While raising our children we always stressed to each of them that our number one priority for them was to lead them to be autonomous adults.  So based on that statement we proceeded with basing all decisions on that goal.

So our priority was established and the choices begun which were:  what kind of education, what kind of food would I feed them, should they watch TV and how frequently, what kind of discipline would we apply etc. etc. you get the drift?

.

The choices we made based on our number one priority could make a smash hit sitcom.  Our children love to sit around together and describe the insane woman that homeschooled them feeding them herbs and organic fruits and vegetables with a highlighted in Yellow TV schedule stuck on the Fridge and their little brother in time out for the 100^th time in a day.  The laundry piled as high as the snow, chemistry projects were fizzling, art supplies were strewn as far as the eye could see and a mini cooking show was being produced by the amateur videographer standing about 3 foot tall. 

  

They also love to rehash how the three of them wrote and produced mini plays every week for the children they minded at the Women’s Bible study.   I say minded loosely since they themselves were 3, 7 and 9 years old and very in charge arriving each week with their overstuffed suitcases of costumes and props.   The ladies took up a collection each week to reward the 3 of them for their time.  This is the part when you know you have done something right, here it comes…....  

The 3 of them used their earnings to send an underprivileged kid to summer camp.  I still get choked up when I think of their shining bright eyes and smiles as they handed in their earnings.   They will also recant how strict we were in things other parents weren’t and vice versa.   We later explained that we tried not to set them up to fail because there were certain things not even the so called “best behaved children” could resist such as not having a party if your parents left you alone for an extended period of time without accountability, Not Leaving the house stocked with liquor in an unlocked liquor cabinet, oh just not leaving them unattended period even if they were 16. 

Parenthood is still full of choices and priorities even with them being older.

My priority as a mother of young adults is now to step aside and let them be adults with minimal input unless asked.

Failure is the tuition they need to pay for the success they will achieve.

These days my husband and I still make ourselves available to help advise, guide and just be the ear to listen.

I am happy to report that we have managed to achieve the number one goal of raising autonomous children/adults.

Our daughter is a model/actress.  She is getting married this year and we are pleased with her fiancé  who makes her very happy.  Our Second child, oldest son graduated College, landed a great job and is contemplating his MBA from Columbia.  Our Youngest son is still attending College, builds computers, fixes computers and is presently writing an Iphone application.   All of them are very supportive of me and my business and help in any way they can.

Back to the initial question.  “Do I think I am a good Parent and how do I know”? 

Yes I think I am a good parent.  Have I made mistakes?  Absolutely but keeping my eye on the priority and not allowing the plethora of choices become the prioritiy has determined where we all are today and that is a family with great stories of insane parents.

Always a Mommy

What a comedic moment I had in a Starbuck’s line on my excursion to NYC today.  While my husband was busy ordering me my usual Grande Café Mocha I slipped away to the ladies room only to find a woman stationed right in front of the Ladies room door pensively waiting her turn.  I smiled at her and commented that this must be “the line” and I could tell by the look in her eyes.  Her response to me was meant to perhaps shock me but after all I am a mom of a couple of boys Oh... I mean men so not much knocks me over.  She responded with yes, this is the line but you really do not want to be the next one after me especially after the explosion that will take place.  I know she was expecting me to be horrified and run for cover.  I grinned from ear to ear and fished out a pack of matches that I just picked up at Carmine’s, my favorite Italian Restaurant on the Upper West Side.  

 I told her it was a gift for her to use after her bathroom event and a gift for me so that I may be able to use the facilities without noticing she was ever there.   She stood wide eyed and speechless as I gave her my Blessing to christen the throne we both had to share.  I smirked my way back to where my husband was standing  and unbeknownst to me he had witnessed the exchange and wanted me NOT to recant the story to him.   

I decided to make my way across the coffee shop to share my little story with my oldest son who was eagerly waiting to leave for his second interview appointment.  I was all set to share my comedy with him when all at once I caught a glimpse of him.  I instantly became overcome with how grown up he was in his perfectly fitted suit, grown up shoes and overcoat engrossed in his notes housed in his leather portfolio.  

All the years that led to this moment in time flooded my memory and I became in awe of the grown up poised on the Starbuck’s stool.   I choked back tears as I looked into his smiling crystal blue eyes.  Those eyes spoke so much to me over the years and today they held so much hope and promise. 

 I longed for and could almost feel the baby boy I brought home from the hospital 23 years ago.  I asked myself where the time went.  How did it pass so quickly and oh how I wish I could go back in time and cuddle my baby boy just for a few more minutes.  

I came back to reality to share my bathroom story  all the while squelching back tears that kept rising with each memory  I suppressed while smiling and cheering him on for his "Second Interview".

The time came to bid him good luck as we walked out of Starbucks onto 75^th St.   He put his arm around me.   I gave him a big hug and watched him walk down the street.   I noted that a confident man was casting a shadow on 75^th St. ready to make his mark not as my baby boy but as the man he has grown up to be.

All the while my husband was watching this all play out and reading my thoughts.   He grabbed my hand as we walked in the opposite direction.   Gentle tears rolled down my cheeks.  We did not have to speak words because we shared the same thoughts, emotions and the little boy forever etched in our hearts.

Sept 11th, 2011

Sept 11th, 2011 is the 10th anniversary of the most tragic day in our nation’s history. It is a day that can be marked as a life changing day in so many ways.

Those life changes include some of the following: the death/s of loved ones, injuries that have had life changing effects on individuals/families, loss of business/s, higher usage of anxiety/PTSD drugs, security measures drastically changed for modes of transportation, laws changed regarding privacy, NYC landscape changed forever just to name a few.

Every US citizen regardless of where we reside has been impacted by that fateful day and its tentacles reach far beyond our borders and into our everyday lives.

Our American way of life has changed to include family evacuation plans as well as towns, city and stated hence Homeland Security.

We are constantly aware of what color our threat level is set at before we consider traveling within our region or abroad. We tell ourselves that we will not let the terrorists win and we will continue on with our lives as normal.

Normal’s definition pre 09/11/01 is completely different than what is considered normal today.

I have had to frequently fly these past few months. I have to allow extra time for the security and if I should be detained for reasons out of my control I now purchase travel insurance.

We struggle through security emptying our briefcases, handbags, taking off our shoes and belts. We would feel guilty complaining about the inconvenience of all these procedures put in place to help protect the security of our country and our lives.

When we visit museums, monuments and landmarks we go thru the same procedures to ensure the safety of ourselves and others.

Truth be told the terrorists have accomplished reminding us of their ever looming presence in the shadows merely by having all these security practices carried out every day in our lives.

We are Americans and Americans always rise to the challenges set before us. We have a new defined normal and we have woven it in our hearts and our actions.

We carry the memory of the suffering of our family, friends, neighbors and just plain Americans in our minds and our hearts post 09/11/01.

Just about 9 months from now we will gather as a nation and honor all of the 911 victims and heroes. We will painfully remember the lost, injured and sick as a result of the attack and the after effects.

There is a 911 Memorial Museum being built to honor the lost and YOU can contribute by visiting the Memorial Website  http://bit.ly/911MEMDnte  Sponsor a cobblestone that will be placed on the Memorial Plaza and receive a cobblestone membership card with your identifying cobblestone number. You will also be acknowledged on their website and in the World Trade Center Memorial kiosk.

View my 9 Months & 11 Days Post   http://rosesofdistinction.wordpress.com/

Posted from on the road in Las Vegas Nevada today.

Extra Shorty Contest, Special Edition: "10"

Extra Shorty Contest, Special Edition: "10"

Extra Shorty Contest, Special Edition: “10″

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"Sitting" with Peter Damian Bellis Author of "The Conjure Man"

http://www.conjureman.net/Buy.html

“Too many writers do not sit long enough with their books and so miss the opportunity to capture the echoes, anchor the emotional impact, make their book what they see in their mind and feel in their soul, but rarely capture on the page. Then again how easy for me to say sit with your book a little while longer; I sat with The Conjure Man for 23 years, and for a variety of reasons, not just because I was sitting with the book (more about that in a later post). But even when I was not sitting with The Conjure Man, I was sitting with it. “  
Peter Damian Bellis  http://threecentsoflimeandiron.com/

“ Sitting” has dominated my thoughts for over a week since I first read my friend Peter’s post.   

“Sitting” is the perfect description of what I do as a designer and what I have yet been capable of conveying to my non artistic friends, family etc.

I “sat” with my roses for a few years encouraged by my friend Shea not to give up and to keep on keeping on.  Hence the name KatieSheaDesigns since without Shea’s encouragement I would not have kept designing.

My very first Rose Design was inspired from a beautiful image of a baby named Amelia Marie.
My first “Rose of Distinction”  http://bit.ly/weliot
was inspired by my friendship with 
Winslow Eliot http://winsloweliot.com/  
Author of “Heaven Falls” and “The Bright Face of Danger”. 

Last weekend we had a Tweet-up In New York  http://winsloweliot.com/2010/05/tweet-up-in-new-york/ 
and I experienced some very interesting and stimulating conversation with all of my friends attending.

My conversation With Peter Damian Bellis last Saturday evening clarified and validated all I have been feeling for the past few years.   He explained to me the sitting process he mentioned in his post last week.   I totally identified with his description of a writer is always writing even when he is not typing or physically writing as well as the importance of “sitting” with a piece until you feel it has been nurtured to your satisfaction and even then…

While Peter was speaking so many thoughts were racing through my mind.    The countless ideas in my idea book I started years ago, the writing pieces sitting on my computer finished, unfinished and the bolts of fabric adorning my office/studio.

To the naked eye I can come across as a scatterbrain, eccentric and unproductive versus the overachieving steam roller from years gone by. 

I am currently reviewing everything I have been “sitting with” and am choosing which designs to produce and pieces to post or publish.  I feel such a sense of peace and validation from finally being able to feel like I can express correctly what others perceive as a lack of productivity.

I have been asked over and over “When are you going to get serious and start pumping out those roses”?    I have tried to communicate that I have not felt it was time yet for me to enter into the marketplace with my roses.   My answer is “I am sitting with them”!

I am currently designing several “Roses of Distinction” and Peter Damian Bellis’s Novel   “The Conjure Man“  
 http://www.conjureman.net/   is one of my inspired designs.

I have begun reading “The Conjure Man“ and can understand why I quote  “One early reviewer said this book might be the best book to come out since Huck Finn“!

Brooklyn ....Memorial Day Weekend Surrounded by Family, Friends, Food and Wine!

The conversations were heartwarming, diversified and comedic.  My husband even had one of the guests prank phone call our daughter asking her just one more time “Is it All about Trendz” a jewelry store in Manhattan that we all could not get straight in our heads.   Maybe it was the sun or the wine or just both.  We laughed so hard we could not breathe as our daughter called us all jerks and hung up for the third time!

My husband’s family have their roots in Brooklyn so many of the guests were from “The Neighborhood” and there was a lot of reminiscing.

Our cousin Big Art joined in and the conversations ranged from how his hearing became impaired by the gunshots that were fired by his ears during his career as a NYC Transit cop to the POW bracelet he wears on his wrist. 

We all examined the copper looking piece and discussed the names and inscriptions.  Big Art can appear to be rough and tumble but is in fact a kind and deeply caring man.  The bracelet has been worn by him since the late 60’s.  The POW represented on the bracelet was dated as missing since 1965.  My husband, myself and a few others recalled our grammar school years during the Vietnam War there were many bracelets worn with names inscribed representing men serving and missing in Vietnam.  Upon further inspection we became aware of another name inscribed more recently.  Big Art explained it was one of “His” that perished 9/11.  We all fell silent out of respect for the fallen.  My heart was silently breaking for him.  Big Art is immersed in taking care of “His own” meaning the families of the 9/11 fallen.  He is extremely proactive in preserving the memories of the men and honoring them.

Big Art, although retired for many years was one of the first responders arriving at the BIG Hole and piles of rubble hoping to rescue any survivors.

All of us briefly flashed back at the mention of the fallen man represented on Big Art’s bracelet to that day of horrifying tragedy, loss and uncertainty. 

My mind flooded with the images of the second plane hitting the second tower and then both towers imploding shortly thereafter!

My husband and I had the longest phone call that day since he was blessed with one of the only working telephone lines.  He was awaiting his assignment from the Hospital he works for.  There were thousands of body bags arriving throughout the city hospitals and all were bracing for a rising death toll and injuries galore.  He was mandated to stay and work for however long it took to take care of the injured.  Phone service in NYC was at a minimum if any, so I was the conduit from the hospital staff to family members informing them of their loved ones safety.  We kept the line open for hours as I dialed on my cell phone and even put the cell phone to the receiver so people could connect and be comforted by the sound of the live voices. 

Hours went by and finally my husband said we had to free the line.  I was deeply troubled since I did not know if this was going to be the last time I would ever hear his voice.  I became immobilized and kept repeating myself in an effort to keep him on the line.  Hanging up with him was like letting go of a drowning man.  I told myself I had to keep it together since we have 3 children and if I looked worried they would be worried.  I left them in school while all this was going on because I needed to collect myself to present to them a calm, confident mother.

Our drive home from Brooklyn brought us right past the World Trade Center site.

I usually do everything I can to avoid that whole area and today of all days we HAD to pass by because of Holland Tunnel traffic.  This time I forced myself to face the Big Hole and the beginnings of rebuilding. 

Our friends James and Shea were snoozing in the back of the Van unaware that they were in the presence of a sacred ground.  All of my senses became heightened and I became acutely aware of utterances, murmurings and physical pain just being in close proximity to this tragic parcel of land.

I feel sad and guilty at the same time.  Sad for all the loss that is still being felt throughout our surrounding area and guilty because I was not in the midst of the first responders. 

I want to do something of significance in remembrance of all those that were lost in the 9/11 attacks.

This Memorial Day let us remember the Men, Women and Children that have FALLEN on our own Soil.